I have recently been thinking about how people of all ages seem to put so much effort into trying to do so little. Children, for example, will come up with a million reasons why they were not able to get their chores done after school. And their plate is still on the table after dinner when it is not much effort at all the relocate it to the sink. Or even better how about take the 30 seconds to give it a quick rinse and pop it in the dish washer?
I tell my kids to take their shoes out of the entry and put them in the garage on the shoe shelf, or in their room in the closet. Over and over and over. Nothing. Until I decide that I have had enough of them disrespecting me as the parent and I go and get the belt. All of a sudden the magic starts to happen. They hop up and all the stuff I have been arguing with them over is now getting done. Nobody wants to take a few cracks off the belt that’s for sure so they are motivated and encouraged to cooperate.
But WHY?
At the point where I need to get the belt out I clearly have been pushed well beyond my breaking point. I have endured enough disrespect and ignoring and its time for action. If I let them get away with that then I train them to ignore me until that last dying moment when things get serious. And the only person I will have to blame is myself. Because I taught them behavior.
So how do we prevent that from happening? Simple. Whip them. When you ask for something too many times and are forced to resort to extreme measures to see it happen then you need to follow through with the measures. That is the only way to break them of this habit of taking you for granted. Disobeying. Ignoring. Disrespecting.
Relationships are the same way. Why in the world do we have to be at our wits end with our partner and ready to walk out the door before they realize we are serious about something? When we go to them and tell them we need something to change in the relationship and they ignore us doesn’t that tell us what they really think of us? Then we get to the point where we are packing our bags and oh my they just cant jump fast enough to talk us into changing our minds.
But WHY?
We didn’t seem important enough to them to hear us before. They couldn’t take a moment and try and understand our feelings because they LOVED us. No. They only step up when push comes to shove and they are forced to hear what we have to say or face a goodbye. At that point do we really even care if they hear us? I mean, enough is enough. They wouldn’t hear for love then, why care if they hear now?
“OK OK I will stop doing this unkind thing” “OK OK I will sacrifice and do something you want that makes you happy instead of always doing just what I want” “OK OK I will listen to tell me about your day and share your thoughts and feelings and I will really communicate with you” “OK OK I will treat you like my valued lover and not just someone I have sex with.” “OK OK I will open up and tell you what my hopes and desires and fears are.”
OK OK? Now? But at this point isn’t it too late?
HEARTWORK: Ask yourself this. When you are pushed to that point, and you hear OK OK, what do you do to handle the situation? How do you deal with your kids at that point? Your partner? What do you do when you have had enough and feel like you need a permanent escape?
Tell me. brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Big Brother and Jordan's Smile
I recently started watch the reality show "Big Brother." It is a pretty interesting show where a group of people come to live in a "house" that is wired everywhere with cameras that record their every move, every word, every action. The idea is that the guests team up and compete in various games for powers that protect their team and help boot the enemies out of the house.
The thing I like most about the show isn’t what we see on the regular TV program. It's what I saw when I watched Big Brother After Dark on Showtime. This is where the cameras were rolling catching all the things happening in the house when the house guests were not competing and recording the TV show. They were just being themselves trying to get along and pass the time. They played games, cooked, argued, sat out by the jacuzzi and pool, played pool, etc. Most formed close bonds with other players for various reasons, mostly preservation.
But there were those that created bonds on an emotional level. Jordan and Jeff are the couple I liked most. They were a great team and you could tell there was some real chemistry. As the show got closer to the final Jeff was removed, leaving Jordan and 2 other guests to fight it out for the win.
One night on After Dark the other 2 quests were playing chess and Jordan was on her bed staring into space. You could see she was deep in thought and from time to time a smile would break out on her face. It would get really big and cheesy, then relax, then big again. She would have a pouty lip, a smile, here eyes would sparkle. It was great to watch because in my mind she was thinking about Jeff. And her heart was smiling as she replayed all the time she had spent with him and what he meant to her.
So I got to brainstorming and I started asking myself a lot of questions about what I saw there. What do I do when I am alone like she was? Do I lay there smiling at memories of a certain person? Do I long for a chance to spend time with her again? Am I thinking about her or the pork tenderloin I barbequed for dinner last night? What is going on in our hearts and minds when we are separated from the ones we are in love with?
The funny part of the whole visual is that one of the other quests, Natalie, often spoke about her boyfriend (and eventual fiance) and how much he meant to her and how much she loved him. She was vocal about the feelings she had for him. She talked about how great he was and how she missed him. Funny thing is that for most of the show she was connected to the hip of the big body builder Jessie and she was in a constant struggle with another guest (Lydia) to Jessie’s attention. She loves her boyfriend but she was clearly into Jessie.
Jordan on the other hand never behaved like Natalie. True she didn’t have a relationship outside the show that she should have protected but even so she doesn’t act like Natalie. Jordan never comes out and expresses feelings for Jeff. She doesn’t fawn over him or behave un-lady like. She actually kept her cool and kept the relationship with Jeff from getting physical. Yet the whole time you know what she is thinking because you can see it in her eyes. The way she looked at him. The way she smiled when he came around. The way she looked when nobody was watching (except me on After Dark!) and she was thinking about him.
I think the difference is clear. One professed love, the other exhibited it. One talked about her love. The other let it show in her eyes and in her smile. One made me roll my eyes and shake my head. The other made me smile and dream a bit.
HEARTWORK: Ask yourself which of the two images better identifies where you are in your relationship. Are you the one professing a hallow love or are you the one smiling and in love? Where do you want to be? Why are you not there? What can you do to move closer toward the side your heart wants to be on?
There is a lot more here. This idea can really be explored and some very interesting perceptions and ideas can be shared. I will be thinking more on this one.
The thing I like most about the show isn’t what we see on the regular TV program. It's what I saw when I watched Big Brother After Dark on Showtime. This is where the cameras were rolling catching all the things happening in the house when the house guests were not competing and recording the TV show. They were just being themselves trying to get along and pass the time. They played games, cooked, argued, sat out by the jacuzzi and pool, played pool, etc. Most formed close bonds with other players for various reasons, mostly preservation.
But there were those that created bonds on an emotional level. Jordan and Jeff are the couple I liked most. They were a great team and you could tell there was some real chemistry. As the show got closer to the final Jeff was removed, leaving Jordan and 2 other guests to fight it out for the win.
One night on After Dark the other 2 quests were playing chess and Jordan was on her bed staring into space. You could see she was deep in thought and from time to time a smile would break out on her face. It would get really big and cheesy, then relax, then big again. She would have a pouty lip, a smile, here eyes would sparkle. It was great to watch because in my mind she was thinking about Jeff. And her heart was smiling as she replayed all the time she had spent with him and what he meant to her.
So I got to brainstorming and I started asking myself a lot of questions about what I saw there. What do I do when I am alone like she was? Do I lay there smiling at memories of a certain person? Do I long for a chance to spend time with her again? Am I thinking about her or the pork tenderloin I barbequed for dinner last night? What is going on in our hearts and minds when we are separated from the ones we are in love with?
The funny part of the whole visual is that one of the other quests, Natalie, often spoke about her boyfriend (and eventual fiance) and how much he meant to her and how much she loved him. She was vocal about the feelings she had for him. She talked about how great he was and how she missed him. Funny thing is that for most of the show she was connected to the hip of the big body builder Jessie and she was in a constant struggle with another guest (Lydia) to Jessie’s attention. She loves her boyfriend but she was clearly into Jessie.
Jordan on the other hand never behaved like Natalie. True she didn’t have a relationship outside the show that she should have protected but even so she doesn’t act like Natalie. Jordan never comes out and expresses feelings for Jeff. She doesn’t fawn over him or behave un-lady like. She actually kept her cool and kept the relationship with Jeff from getting physical. Yet the whole time you know what she is thinking because you can see it in her eyes. The way she looked at him. The way she smiled when he came around. The way she looked when nobody was watching (except me on After Dark!) and she was thinking about him.
I think the difference is clear. One professed love, the other exhibited it. One talked about her love. The other let it show in her eyes and in her smile. One made me roll my eyes and shake my head. The other made me smile and dream a bit.
HEARTWORK: Ask yourself which of the two images better identifies where you are in your relationship. Are you the one professing a hallow love or are you the one smiling and in love? Where do you want to be? Why are you not there? What can you do to move closer toward the side your heart wants to be on?
There is a lot more here. This idea can really be explored and some very interesting perceptions and ideas can be shared. I will be thinking more on this one.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Separate Together
I was on a field trip with my son yesterday and I saw something that made me pause and think. Yes I know many things do that to me but humor me. We were at a nature preserve hiking on the trails and learning about various scientific aspects of nature. We learned about rocks and their formation. We studied trees, plants, insects, and animals in the wild.
While we were walking on a particular trail called “California Trees” I noticed something very strange. These trees were enormous. Not young ones. They had lots of foliage and seemed full and healthy. They had been there a while. No that is not what was strange. What I was bothered by was how they grew in relationship to where they grew.
Follow me on this.
Trees that were alone grew full and round. They had branches popping out on all sides and they had branches that were long and had full foliage on them. This is what we expect to see when we look at a tree. Just like when we pick a Christmas tree we want one well shaped and full all the way around. These lonely trees were just like that.
Now the trees that were growing right next to each other were not full and round and robust. When you stood in the middle and looked directly up you could see there were almost no branches growing inward toward each other. None of any significance. The only strong branches were outside growing away from each other. Now I could see how a person could look at that picture and say “see, they are each doing their part, complimenting the other. Together they are single full tree.”
I say no. They look like they had their backs to each other. They hardly touched. There was no real physical connection. There was almost no intertwining or sense of intimacy. They looked like they were stunted and were only allowed to grow where the other was not interfering. Like two halves of an unconnected puzzle. It was sad to see.
Too often we live like that. Each of us there in the house doing what we know we should do to make things look full and rounded out. Taking up slack and doing our part. Merely existing in close proximity to the other half of our partnership. Not fully involved with each other. Just doing what we need to in order survive. Missing out on so much.
Why is that? Why do we allow that? Why do we sit idly by while our lives roll on with so much less than we deserve from our relationship? Or have we just gotten tired of trying to make that deep heart-felt connection? Or are we tired of being the only one still concerned with the state of the relationship?
HEARTWORK: Brainstorm this idea yourself. Take a look at how your branches are growing. Are they reaching toward your partner in an attempt to grow together or do they grow away from them? Analyze that answer. We will be back to revisit this idea.
brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
While we were walking on a particular trail called “California Trees” I noticed something very strange. These trees were enormous. Not young ones. They had lots of foliage and seemed full and healthy. They had been there a while. No that is not what was strange. What I was bothered by was how they grew in relationship to where they grew.
Follow me on this.
Trees that were alone grew full and round. They had branches popping out on all sides and they had branches that were long and had full foliage on them. This is what we expect to see when we look at a tree. Just like when we pick a Christmas tree we want one well shaped and full all the way around. These lonely trees were just like that.
Now the trees that were growing right next to each other were not full and round and robust. When you stood in the middle and looked directly up you could see there were almost no branches growing inward toward each other. None of any significance. The only strong branches were outside growing away from each other. Now I could see how a person could look at that picture and say “see, they are each doing their part, complimenting the other. Together they are single full tree.”
I say no. They look like they had their backs to each other. They hardly touched. There was no real physical connection. There was almost no intertwining or sense of intimacy. They looked like they were stunted and were only allowed to grow where the other was not interfering. Like two halves of an unconnected puzzle. It was sad to see.
Too often we live like that. Each of us there in the house doing what we know we should do to make things look full and rounded out. Taking up slack and doing our part. Merely existing in close proximity to the other half of our partnership. Not fully involved with each other. Just doing what we need to in order survive. Missing out on so much.
Why is that? Why do we allow that? Why do we sit idly by while our lives roll on with so much less than we deserve from our relationship? Or have we just gotten tired of trying to make that deep heart-felt connection? Or are we tired of being the only one still concerned with the state of the relationship?
HEARTWORK: Brainstorm this idea yourself. Take a look at how your branches are growing. Are they reaching toward your partner in an attempt to grow together or do they grow away from them? Analyze that answer. We will be back to revisit this idea.
brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
A Ring On Her Finger
A couple of nights ago I was at a restaurant having dinner. I was walking back from the restroom and I was stopped by an elderly lady who was in a bit of a panic. Apparently she had taken a ring off her finger and somehow dropped it on the ground near her table. The ring was gold and the floor was brown. The lighting was not great so it added to the problem. She had been searching for it and had given up hope. She said in a nervous voice “I dropped my ring would you please help me find it?” I looked around for a minute and found where it had rolled off to.
I picked it up off the ground and turned to show it to her. She was beaming. She asked me if I would put it back on her finger for her because her hands were shaky. I am not sure if it was from being scared she lost the ring, or if she had another problem. I said I sure would and I held her frail hand and slide the ring on her finger. Again she was beaming at me and she said “I think we are engaged now.” It was very cute and I told her I was the lucky one.
The whole time this was going on her husband sat quietly at the table. He showed no signs of care or concern for how she felt about losing the ring. He didn’t budge while I was looking. He didn’t say thank you when I found it. He didn’t show any sign at all that he was concerned for how she felt. He was a blank slate completely detached and emotionless.
It shouldn’t have shocked me then as I watched them have their meal. They sat there in silence and ate. She looked around at her surroundings and seemed hungry for conversation. He sat there staring off into space slowly chewing food he didn’t seem to enjoy. They hardly spoke a word to each other. I would be willing to bet their home was as silent as a cemetery which would be fitting because clearly the love was dead.
I thought about how sad and lonely those lives were. Where did it end? What happened to send them down separate roads emotionally? Why did he show so little concern for her when doing so would be so effortless and gain him so much good will? Why do we miss opportunities to grow love when they seem so plentiful? Here is something for you to consider. Love is not only an emotion. It’s every bit as much a verb. It’s action. It’s an outward demonstration of how feel inside.
When you actively love your partner you can’t help but build a stronger deeper more meaningful connection to their soul. The Bible says that where a man’s treasure is you will find his heart. I wonder how many of us treasure our partner. Do they have your heart? Don’t wake up one day living separately together. Life is short. Love is so precious.
HEARTWORK: Pick up her ring and put it on her heart. I mean her finger. Take that as you will.
Share your thoughts. brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
I picked it up off the ground and turned to show it to her. She was beaming. She asked me if I would put it back on her finger for her because her hands were shaky. I am not sure if it was from being scared she lost the ring, or if she had another problem. I said I sure would and I held her frail hand and slide the ring on her finger. Again she was beaming at me and she said “I think we are engaged now.” It was very cute and I told her I was the lucky one.
The whole time this was going on her husband sat quietly at the table. He showed no signs of care or concern for how she felt about losing the ring. He didn’t budge while I was looking. He didn’t say thank you when I found it. He didn’t show any sign at all that he was concerned for how she felt. He was a blank slate completely detached and emotionless.
It shouldn’t have shocked me then as I watched them have their meal. They sat there in silence and ate. She looked around at her surroundings and seemed hungry for conversation. He sat there staring off into space slowly chewing food he didn’t seem to enjoy. They hardly spoke a word to each other. I would be willing to bet their home was as silent as a cemetery which would be fitting because clearly the love was dead.
I thought about how sad and lonely those lives were. Where did it end? What happened to send them down separate roads emotionally? Why did he show so little concern for her when doing so would be so effortless and gain him so much good will? Why do we miss opportunities to grow love when they seem so plentiful? Here is something for you to consider. Love is not only an emotion. It’s every bit as much a verb. It’s action. It’s an outward demonstration of how feel inside.
When you actively love your partner you can’t help but build a stronger deeper more meaningful connection to their soul. The Bible says that where a man’s treasure is you will find his heart. I wonder how many of us treasure our partner. Do they have your heart? Don’t wake up one day living separately together. Life is short. Love is so precious.
HEARTWORK: Pick up her ring and put it on her heart. I mean her finger. Take that as you will.
Share your thoughts. brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Recklessness in Between
I read this phrase in a book the other day and it sent me into a brainstorming session. To understand what the idea is let me put it in context. A guy and a girl are talking about life and about a plan to mix responsibility with a little adventure. They agreed that a couple of times a week they would get together and do the right thing. In this case they mean their homework. But they also had a plan to toss in a little adventure in there as well.
The reason this got me brainstorming is because I could see how easy it is to get stuck in a “do the right thing” pattern. You know what I mean. We get up, shower and get dressed, get the kids ready for school, feed them and get them off to school, drive to work, bust our tails on the job while trying to keep our sanity, drive home, soccer practice, little league practice, laundry, cook dinner, home work, grocery shopping, clean the kitchen, put the kids in bed, drop down in our bed exhausted, REPEAT TOMORROW.
Why? Because it is expected of us. It is responsible and it is right and it is what we do. Without ever realizing it this IS our plan. It is what we know we will do day in and day out for as long as the eye can see into the future. We slip into the routine and before we know years have flown by and we wonder what the heck is becoming of my life?!?!? It’s not hard to see how one thing leads to another and we are bitter, angry, curious, depressed, wandering, bored, upset, or heck any number of other emotions associated with this.
How can we fight this off? What can we do to keep life fun and exciting and have us looking forward to something? A little recklessness in between. Doing something not in the plan. Doing something out of the norm. (Hey it can even be planned) Stepping out and breaking free from the same-old same-olds. Have some adventure.
Easier said than done? Nope. Maybe it’s easier to dismiss and not do it because yes it will take some effort. But I am pretty sure the rewards will be well worth it. How about some ideas. Call your mom on a Tuesday night and ask her to watch the kids. Take them to her if she can’t come stay with them. When your partner gets home tell them to shower up you are taking them to dinner. Then after a nice dinner where you have some adult conversation about things other than work and the kids go find some isolated place to make out. Maybe even indulge in some car sex.
Have you seen the bendy foam binder kit you can get at Spencer? Pick it up at lunch and bring it home. Let your imagination fill in the rest of that idea.
OK how about something not so racy? Join a bowling league together. Have you seen how much fun people have with that? Hanging out with other adults, maybe have a beer or wine (I am a sweet tea kinda guy myself), laughing at each other. Some healthy competition. Blow off some steam. Make new friends. Do something with your partner!
It really doesn’t matter what you do to be reckless in between. It only matters that you do something. You need to find ways to create excitement and anticipation in your relationship that goes beyond the norm. Break the mold. Whatever phrase you gravitate to you get the point.
And for those who subscribe to the 5 Love Languages, this is quality time.
HEARTWORK: Get reckless. Do something unpredictable and outside your comfort zone. Shock your partner with a little creativity. Live a night on the edge. Just one. Just for a start. And see what that does to your relationship. See if it energizes it. Renews some old flame and creates a fresh sense of excitement.
Share your reckless ideas with me and I will post them. I started with 3. What would you add to the list?
brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
The reason this got me brainstorming is because I could see how easy it is to get stuck in a “do the right thing” pattern. You know what I mean. We get up, shower and get dressed, get the kids ready for school, feed them and get them off to school, drive to work, bust our tails on the job while trying to keep our sanity, drive home, soccer practice, little league practice, laundry, cook dinner, home work, grocery shopping, clean the kitchen, put the kids in bed, drop down in our bed exhausted, REPEAT TOMORROW.
Why? Because it is expected of us. It is responsible and it is right and it is what we do. Without ever realizing it this IS our plan. It is what we know we will do day in and day out for as long as the eye can see into the future. We slip into the routine and before we know years have flown by and we wonder what the heck is becoming of my life?!?!? It’s not hard to see how one thing leads to another and we are bitter, angry, curious, depressed, wandering, bored, upset, or heck any number of other emotions associated with this.
How can we fight this off? What can we do to keep life fun and exciting and have us looking forward to something? A little recklessness in between. Doing something not in the plan. Doing something out of the norm. (Hey it can even be planned) Stepping out and breaking free from the same-old same-olds. Have some adventure.
Easier said than done? Nope. Maybe it’s easier to dismiss and not do it because yes it will take some effort. But I am pretty sure the rewards will be well worth it. How about some ideas. Call your mom on a Tuesday night and ask her to watch the kids. Take them to her if she can’t come stay with them. When your partner gets home tell them to shower up you are taking them to dinner. Then after a nice dinner where you have some adult conversation about things other than work and the kids go find some isolated place to make out. Maybe even indulge in some car sex.
Have you seen the bendy foam binder kit you can get at Spencer? Pick it up at lunch and bring it home. Let your imagination fill in the rest of that idea.
OK how about something not so racy? Join a bowling league together. Have you seen how much fun people have with that? Hanging out with other adults, maybe have a beer or wine (I am a sweet tea kinda guy myself), laughing at each other. Some healthy competition. Blow off some steam. Make new friends. Do something with your partner!
It really doesn’t matter what you do to be reckless in between. It only matters that you do something. You need to find ways to create excitement and anticipation in your relationship that goes beyond the norm. Break the mold. Whatever phrase you gravitate to you get the point.
And for those who subscribe to the 5 Love Languages, this is quality time.
HEARTWORK: Get reckless. Do something unpredictable and outside your comfort zone. Shock your partner with a little creativity. Live a night on the edge. Just one. Just for a start. And see what that does to your relationship. See if it energizes it. Renews some old flame and creates a fresh sense of excitement.
Share your reckless ideas with me and I will post them. I started with 3. What would you add to the list?
brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Starting at the end
A friend of mine turned me on to Boston Legal and I am hooked. I bought seasons 1 and 2 on DVD and I am sitting in the airport watching one of the episodes. This particular episode has Michael J Fox playing Daniel Post, a rich man being sued for rigging a medical study. His attorney is the charming Denise Bauer, a smart and witty lawyer whom he begins to fall in love with. She sees all the wonderful things that makes Daniel who he is. His passion for life, drive, caring and loving heart. He is a real catch in every sense of the word with one fatal flaw. He is dying of cancer.
Daniel has a real zest for things. Outgoing and positive even though he realizes his days are literally coming to an end. He decides that he is going to give himself a funeral. Ya crazy I know. But he wanted to have his life celebrated, not mourned. So he throws a huge party with fun and games and friends and family all gathered to tell what Daniel has meant to them. After all don’t we all want to know what we mean to the people we love the most? I wonder what will be said of me on that day, just as Daniel was.
He invites Denise to go as his date. It is kind of funny as he invites a girl he is falling in love with to be his date at a funeral where he is the guest of honor. But she decides to go and does. She shows up and it’s a festival all right. People wearing the jersey of Daniels favorite hockey team, playing foosball and drinking beer. They even have a zamboni shaped cake. Apparently he was a fan.
Denise is watching this whole thing unfold and it hits her. She always KNEW Daniel was dying. She is his attorney defending him for rigging a cancer study. She knew he was running out of time and that other treatments he has tried had not worked. His current treatment wasn’t working. And the new treatment showed promise. But still, reality is what it is and he was almost assured to be dead very soon.
So what in the world was she thinking? Falling in love with a man facing the end of his life? Falling in love is supposed to the BEGINNING of a beautiful life isn’t it? Where did things go so wrong?
She runs from the funeral and Daniel chases her. He asks her where she is going and with tears in her eyes she sadly surveys the scene with him. They are at a party for him, with his friends and his family, and she is meeting them. And this is supposed to be a beginning. Not an end. And she knows she cant fall in love with someone when the end is near. She cant start at the end and miss all the possibilities and promises that beginnings are made of. And she walks away.
It made me brainstorm the idea that waiting for the end to start a beginning is such a tragic thing. Because life is supposed to be full of promise. And a look into the future, not the past. That when we are in that situation and we should be affectionately reliving wonderful memories full of love and laughter. Not speculating on what could have been.
Ultimately the tragedy is not that Daniel is dying. I hope you know that already. The tragedy is that he missed out on a great love. That he took too long to find one. That the sun was setting and he was just realizing he hadn’t been living. He was too busy to be in love. And love came too late for him.
I wonder how many of us will share his mistake.
Daniel has a real zest for things. Outgoing and positive even though he realizes his days are literally coming to an end. He decides that he is going to give himself a funeral. Ya crazy I know. But he wanted to have his life celebrated, not mourned. So he throws a huge party with fun and games and friends and family all gathered to tell what Daniel has meant to them. After all don’t we all want to know what we mean to the people we love the most? I wonder what will be said of me on that day, just as Daniel was.
He invites Denise to go as his date. It is kind of funny as he invites a girl he is falling in love with to be his date at a funeral where he is the guest of honor. But she decides to go and does. She shows up and it’s a festival all right. People wearing the jersey of Daniels favorite hockey team, playing foosball and drinking beer. They even have a zamboni shaped cake. Apparently he was a fan.
Denise is watching this whole thing unfold and it hits her. She always KNEW Daniel was dying. She is his attorney defending him for rigging a cancer study. She knew he was running out of time and that other treatments he has tried had not worked. His current treatment wasn’t working. And the new treatment showed promise. But still, reality is what it is and he was almost assured to be dead very soon.
So what in the world was she thinking? Falling in love with a man facing the end of his life? Falling in love is supposed to the BEGINNING of a beautiful life isn’t it? Where did things go so wrong?
She runs from the funeral and Daniel chases her. He asks her where she is going and with tears in her eyes she sadly surveys the scene with him. They are at a party for him, with his friends and his family, and she is meeting them. And this is supposed to be a beginning. Not an end. And she knows she cant fall in love with someone when the end is near. She cant start at the end and miss all the possibilities and promises that beginnings are made of. And she walks away.
It made me brainstorm the idea that waiting for the end to start a beginning is such a tragic thing. Because life is supposed to be full of promise. And a look into the future, not the past. That when we are in that situation and we should be affectionately reliving wonderful memories full of love and laughter. Not speculating on what could have been.
Ultimately the tragedy is not that Daniel is dying. I hope you know that already. The tragedy is that he missed out on a great love. That he took too long to find one. That the sun was setting and he was just realizing he hadn’t been living. He was too busy to be in love. And love came too late for him.
I wonder how many of us will share his mistake.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
A Brave Heart
I have to say that Braveheart is a top 10 movie for me. In fact it's right up there next to the top. I was reflecting on the subtle things that are said in the movie and I wonder how many people hear the words, and how many people HEAR the words. What I mean by that is most people are listening to the things said throughout the movie. But how many are actually listening to what is said and understand the meaning, the message, that they are sending?
The line I am thinking about is the one William says Princess Isabella during one of their very emotional conversations. "Every man dies, not every man really lives." The whole idea goes back to my basic belief that I have shared here many times, that it is not good enough to just exist in a partnership however you define that. Our hearts desire more. They desire, even demand, more.
We know what we want. Yet we continue day in and day out to settle for far less than our hearts beg us for. Why? Because everyman dies. Not every man really lives. It's easy to go along for the sake of comfort and peace. It's easy to say I can tolerate the fact that I am so far from desires because I am so close to my comforts. Why upset things? Why cause trouble, inflict pain, hurt feelings, maybe even break up an otherwise happy home?
I spend a lot of time on that idea. Ending something that is adequate. Tolerable. Nothing more than a mere existence but an easy one at that. If I give in a little and work a little to cooperate I can trade that for a little bit better than a moderate love. I see that. So why can't I just say ok? Why do I keep beating my head against the wall and asking for more when more will hurt people I do love. It's not easy.
Brainstorm that idea out a little and maybe the answer will be clear to you as well. My answer is simple. I am willing to do it because my heart demands more. My heart demands the love of a soulmate. My heart demands someone who wants me to love her that way in return. My heart demands someone who is not willing to accept merely existing in a tolerable relationship. I demand someone who wants to really live. To really love.
HEARTWORK: Brainstorm your TRUE heart requirements. Can you get them in the relationship you have if you put in the effort? That's always the best hope. But if not, what are you willing to settle for? Most everyone will find someone to love. Not everyone will find someone to be crazy in love with.
It takes a BRAVE heart to stand up and say I need more. It takes a braver heart to take the steps required to have more. That's my take. What's yours?
brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
The line I am thinking about is the one William says Princess Isabella during one of their very emotional conversations. "Every man dies, not every man really lives." The whole idea goes back to my basic belief that I have shared here many times, that it is not good enough to just exist in a partnership however you define that. Our hearts desire more. They desire, even demand, more.
We know what we want. Yet we continue day in and day out to settle for far less than our hearts beg us for. Why? Because everyman dies. Not every man really lives. It's easy to go along for the sake of comfort and peace. It's easy to say I can tolerate the fact that I am so far from desires because I am so close to my comforts. Why upset things? Why cause trouble, inflict pain, hurt feelings, maybe even break up an otherwise happy home?
I spend a lot of time on that idea. Ending something that is adequate. Tolerable. Nothing more than a mere existence but an easy one at that. If I give in a little and work a little to cooperate I can trade that for a little bit better than a moderate love. I see that. So why can't I just say ok? Why do I keep beating my head against the wall and asking for more when more will hurt people I do love. It's not easy.
Brainstorm that idea out a little and maybe the answer will be clear to you as well. My answer is simple. I am willing to do it because my heart demands more. My heart demands the love of a soulmate. My heart demands someone who wants me to love her that way in return. My heart demands someone who is not willing to accept merely existing in a tolerable relationship. I demand someone who wants to really live. To really love.
HEARTWORK: Brainstorm your TRUE heart requirements. Can you get them in the relationship you have if you put in the effort? That's always the best hope. But if not, what are you willing to settle for? Most everyone will find someone to love. Not everyone will find someone to be crazy in love with.
It takes a BRAVE heart to stand up and say I need more. It takes a braver heart to take the steps required to have more. That's my take. What's yours?
brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Choose Your Battles
I have heard that phrase my whole life and have often wondered how people decide when a fight is worth it and when its time to step back and say “No Thanks.” Some people think winning is so important that they only fight when they know they can win. Others take the position that the underlying issue must be worth fighting for before they venture into the fray. Some people simply say no fight is worth it and take whatever the results of a surrender may be.
Battles. Fighting. Arguments. Whatever you call them they all produce pain. And we as humans do our very best to avoid pain. It’s a basic survival instinct. But what about the times when pain is required to survive? Sometimes when something is wrong we are forced to engage in painful activities in order to fix a problem. Anyone who has ever said “I need to lose a few pounds” and then started an exercise program can relate. It’s not long before your body is scream at you “Stop this crap or I will kill you!” Other events that come to mind are trips to the dentist to fill a cavity. Can you imagine chemotherapy?
When a couple fights it could be bad or good for the relationship depending on the issue and the reason. A fight for the wrong reason will be hurtful, even fatal, to a fragile relationship because by its nature it destroys. A fight for the right reasons will strengthen a relationship because its purpose is to defend, to take a stand and say this is not good for our relationship and I am willing to battle over this.
Fighting because your partner takes the cute receptionist to lunch or brings her coffee in the morning is a good and healthy reason. Fighting because your partner is constantly buying clothes with credit cards and sinking you further and further in debt is a good and healthy reason. Fighting because you feel you are not getting enough quality time and he or she wants more alone time is valid. Fighting because your partner is a slob and it’s putting undue stress on you to play maid for them is good. Or if your partner is into online porn and its ruining your relationship. All Good. You get the idea.
Picking on your partner because they have little things that bug you is not a good reason. It is destructive. Fighting because you use it to control the relationship and be in charge is a horrible reason. Fighting because you don’t want to be inconvenienced by going to your partners family gathering is not good.
In those cases you should take the energy you have to fight and put it to good use strengthening your relationship. Sometimes the right fight is with yourself, sucking it up and enduring something unpleasant for their sake. It is not always easy but then who said fighting for the love of your life would be?
HEARTWORK: Take a look at your heart and ask yourself if you fight to strengthen or if you fight to weaken your relationship. Be honest with yourself. If you are fighting wrong then fix it. If you are defending your relationship then communicate and keep up the good fight.
If you have ideas please share them. Brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
Battles. Fighting. Arguments. Whatever you call them they all produce pain. And we as humans do our very best to avoid pain. It’s a basic survival instinct. But what about the times when pain is required to survive? Sometimes when something is wrong we are forced to engage in painful activities in order to fix a problem. Anyone who has ever said “I need to lose a few pounds” and then started an exercise program can relate. It’s not long before your body is scream at you “Stop this crap or I will kill you!” Other events that come to mind are trips to the dentist to fill a cavity. Can you imagine chemotherapy?
When a couple fights it could be bad or good for the relationship depending on the issue and the reason. A fight for the wrong reason will be hurtful, even fatal, to a fragile relationship because by its nature it destroys. A fight for the right reasons will strengthen a relationship because its purpose is to defend, to take a stand and say this is not good for our relationship and I am willing to battle over this.
Fighting because your partner takes the cute receptionist to lunch or brings her coffee in the morning is a good and healthy reason. Fighting because your partner is constantly buying clothes with credit cards and sinking you further and further in debt is a good and healthy reason. Fighting because you feel you are not getting enough quality time and he or she wants more alone time is valid. Fighting because your partner is a slob and it’s putting undue stress on you to play maid for them is good. Or if your partner is into online porn and its ruining your relationship. All Good. You get the idea.
Picking on your partner because they have little things that bug you is not a good reason. It is destructive. Fighting because you use it to control the relationship and be in charge is a horrible reason. Fighting because you don’t want to be inconvenienced by going to your partners family gathering is not good.
In those cases you should take the energy you have to fight and put it to good use strengthening your relationship. Sometimes the right fight is with yourself, sucking it up and enduring something unpleasant for their sake. It is not always easy but then who said fighting for the love of your life would be?
HEARTWORK: Take a look at your heart and ask yourself if you fight to strengthen or if you fight to weaken your relationship. Be honest with yourself. If you are fighting wrong then fix it. If you are defending your relationship then communicate and keep up the good fight.
If you have ideas please share them. Brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Groundhog Day
The story has been told a thousand times. February 2 of every year Punxsutauney Phil comes out of his hole and if he see’s his shadow it’s going to be another 6 weeks of winter for us. If no shadow, winter is coming to an end.
There was also a pretty funny movie called Groundhog Day that I want to brainstorm a little bit in connection with the Phil. In the movie Phil Connors finds himself waking up day after on February 2, and reliving Groundhog day over and over. Every day he wakes up its Groundhog day again. He goes through the same exact routine, goes to work, does his job, etc.
If you stop and think about it we kind of live like that. We wake up and do the same things over and over. The routine becomes worse than routine. Life loses its luster and we get tired. Excitement fades. We find just enough energy to scrape through the day one more time knowing when the alarm goes off we are destined to repeat.
But why? In the movie he realizes what is happening and he does some pretty interesting things. He uses the time loop to his advantage and he starts to learn about the people around him. He takes piano lessons and learns to speak French. He has some adventures (most I would advise against) but nonetheless he does exciting things. He takes the time to learn about the woman he is falling in love with. He takes the time to develop some pretty interesting relationships with the people around him.
After all his efforts to learn as much about Rita as he can he tells her about the time loop. She helps him come up with a plan to break free from the time loop and it works. He wakes up and the same old routine has been broken. And he has the woman of his dreams.
I can see that and it makes sense to me. Routine and boredom, mixed in with loneliness and a lack of a heartfelt connected relationship will leave you sad and lonely. You get stuck in that horrible routine of mere existence. But tell me how it works in reverse? When you are in love with the woman of your dreams and you somehow allow life to slip into that dull boring routine. Where did you lose the excitement? What happened that made you just say dang I am too tired to do anything fun with this woman. And the routine grows and gets deeper. And one day you wake up and years have melted away from you and you can’t figure out what the heck happened.
HEARTWORK: Break the routine! Shake yourself and admit you and your relationship are in a terrible rut. If you don’t pull out of it you will continue to feel that sinking feeling of despair day after day after day. Write down an activities list for you and your lover. Sort the list from easiest to accomplish to the more exotic. Put some fantasies on that list of yours! Put that imagination to work. As you check the activities off the list you should find new things to take their place.
If you have ideas for the list send them to me. We can put together a Lovers Activity List and publish it. If you need help with ideas let me know. I have some doozies.
brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
There was also a pretty funny movie called Groundhog Day that I want to brainstorm a little bit in connection with the Phil. In the movie Phil Connors finds himself waking up day after on February 2, and reliving Groundhog day over and over. Every day he wakes up its Groundhog day again. He goes through the same exact routine, goes to work, does his job, etc.
If you stop and think about it we kind of live like that. We wake up and do the same things over and over. The routine becomes worse than routine. Life loses its luster and we get tired. Excitement fades. We find just enough energy to scrape through the day one more time knowing when the alarm goes off we are destined to repeat.
But why? In the movie he realizes what is happening and he does some pretty interesting things. He uses the time loop to his advantage and he starts to learn about the people around him. He takes piano lessons and learns to speak French. He has some adventures (most I would advise against) but nonetheless he does exciting things. He takes the time to learn about the woman he is falling in love with. He takes the time to develop some pretty interesting relationships with the people around him.
After all his efforts to learn as much about Rita as he can he tells her about the time loop. She helps him come up with a plan to break free from the time loop and it works. He wakes up and the same old routine has been broken. And he has the woman of his dreams.
I can see that and it makes sense to me. Routine and boredom, mixed in with loneliness and a lack of a heartfelt connected relationship will leave you sad and lonely. You get stuck in that horrible routine of mere existence. But tell me how it works in reverse? When you are in love with the woman of your dreams and you somehow allow life to slip into that dull boring routine. Where did you lose the excitement? What happened that made you just say dang I am too tired to do anything fun with this woman. And the routine grows and gets deeper. And one day you wake up and years have melted away from you and you can’t figure out what the heck happened.
HEARTWORK: Break the routine! Shake yourself and admit you and your relationship are in a terrible rut. If you don’t pull out of it you will continue to feel that sinking feeling of despair day after day after day. Write down an activities list for you and your lover. Sort the list from easiest to accomplish to the more exotic. Put some fantasies on that list of yours! Put that imagination to work. As you check the activities off the list you should find new things to take their place.
If you have ideas for the list send them to me. We can put together a Lovers Activity List and publish it. If you need help with ideas let me know. I have some doozies.
brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Soulmate Strong
I was watching a commercial for the Army and I started thinking about how they market to potential recruits. We have seen the signs for decades of Uncle Sam pointing a stern finger at us and telling us that he needs us. Stop and think and you can hear the song playing “BE! All that you can be! In the Army!” Recently the campaign was “Army of One” and now we have “Army Strong”
Uncle Sam was appealing to our sense of duty. Our sense of patriotism. Our Pride. The desire to contribute something and be a part of history. He called us to serve. In our relationships is that such a bad thing? Is it wrong to want to stir those types of feelings. To give our very best to something (really to someone) that we love? Don’t we want to be proud of what we have in our relationship? Don’t we want to think of ourselves as givers to the relationship? Serving the relationship? I think we do. Or we would not be wasting our time on this blog.
What about the song? Be all you can be. I was brainstorming that idea out and it hit me just how meaningful that idea is. The army says you are good. But come join our team and you can be great. Don’t settle for average. Aspire to bigger and better things. Be more with her than you could be on your own. Be better with her than you could be on your own. Remember that moment at the end of the movie “As Good As It Gets” when Jack Nicholson tells Helen Hunt “You make me want to be a better man.” That’s what a relationship should do for us. It should make us aspire to be our absolute best. And we should be doing everything we can so our partner can be their absolute best.
Army of One. I had to think about this. But not for long. The idea was simple once I gave it a little thought. It’s a lot like the song. Together we are stronger and better than we are alone. Together we are not two against the world. We are a united front. One. A team. Its me and you I have your back you have mine. I lean on you and depend on you and count on you to get me through the hard times and be there to enjoy the good ones. And you do the same with me. Individually we are good. Together we are great.
Finally, we hear tyrants around the world proclaim how they would unleash hell on our army if we dare mess with them. Ya ok. Anything you say pal. Truth be told no country on the planet wants to hear that the USS Ronald Reagan and her battle fleet are sailing toward them to give them the business. One Seawolf submarine is capable of launching 50 Tomahawk cruise missiles that could make a country disappear from the map. Our military has its faults, but its might is unquestionable. Our relationships should be like that. Ya they have their troubles. But at the end of the day their strengths should be the focus and we should draw on the good things they present. They should be a shield for us, defending us against outside forces trying to wear us down and defeat us. When you are under attack, you should turn to your partner for help in your battles. Not just strong. Soulmate Strong.
HEARTWORK: Come up with an advertising plan to promote your relationship to your partner. Think up a new way you can “recruit” your partner to team up with you and strengthen the bond you share. Keep in mind that you want to be better together than you are individually.
Email your plans or your catchy phrases and slogans. They could be fun to share.
brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
Uncle Sam was appealing to our sense of duty. Our sense of patriotism. Our Pride. The desire to contribute something and be a part of history. He called us to serve. In our relationships is that such a bad thing? Is it wrong to want to stir those types of feelings. To give our very best to something (really to someone) that we love? Don’t we want to be proud of what we have in our relationship? Don’t we want to think of ourselves as givers to the relationship? Serving the relationship? I think we do. Or we would not be wasting our time on this blog.
What about the song? Be all you can be. I was brainstorming that idea out and it hit me just how meaningful that idea is. The army says you are good. But come join our team and you can be great. Don’t settle for average. Aspire to bigger and better things. Be more with her than you could be on your own. Be better with her than you could be on your own. Remember that moment at the end of the movie “As Good As It Gets” when Jack Nicholson tells Helen Hunt “You make me want to be a better man.” That’s what a relationship should do for us. It should make us aspire to be our absolute best. And we should be doing everything we can so our partner can be their absolute best.
Army of One. I had to think about this. But not for long. The idea was simple once I gave it a little thought. It’s a lot like the song. Together we are stronger and better than we are alone. Together we are not two against the world. We are a united front. One. A team. Its me and you I have your back you have mine. I lean on you and depend on you and count on you to get me through the hard times and be there to enjoy the good ones. And you do the same with me. Individually we are good. Together we are great.
Finally, we hear tyrants around the world proclaim how they would unleash hell on our army if we dare mess with them. Ya ok. Anything you say pal. Truth be told no country on the planet wants to hear that the USS Ronald Reagan and her battle fleet are sailing toward them to give them the business. One Seawolf submarine is capable of launching 50 Tomahawk cruise missiles that could make a country disappear from the map. Our military has its faults, but its might is unquestionable. Our relationships should be like that. Ya they have their troubles. But at the end of the day their strengths should be the focus and we should draw on the good things they present. They should be a shield for us, defending us against outside forces trying to wear us down and defeat us. When you are under attack, you should turn to your partner for help in your battles. Not just strong. Soulmate Strong.
HEARTWORK: Come up with an advertising plan to promote your relationship to your partner. Think up a new way you can “recruit” your partner to team up with you and strengthen the bond you share. Keep in mind that you want to be better together than you are individually.
Email your plans or your catchy phrases and slogans. They could be fun to share.
brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Pina Colodas
If you have ever heard the Escape song, better known as the Pina Coloda song, then you probably can guess where I want to go today.
The song says a lot about how I have been feeling lately. I have all these things running through my heart and mind that I want out of life, and I am just not getting them. So do I say to myself, Self, you are being awfully selfish dont you think? Or do I say Self, Life is SHORT. You should not let it slip by without having LIVED it.
I told someone the other day that my biggest fear would be one day waking up old and regret all the things I didnt do because I was afraid, or comfortable, or bound by some other excuse for inaction. So I started to brainstorm that idea. What WOULD I do if I really had the courage? What would I change? What would I put more effort into? What needs to go and what needs more of my attention?
OK before we go any further let me tell you where I part from the song. The woman posted her ad for the escape and she had not tried to fix things with her man. Well we have to read that into it because there is no evidence to the contrary. She should have taken the time to make sure her man knew what was on her heart. That he had a chance to step up and fix the relationship. He deserved to know that the relationship was not meeting her needs. But to fair, he didnt do that either. He replied to the ad without taking the time to talk to her.
That I think is the single biggest reason two people dont make it together. An otherwise good thing is allowed to wither and die because the lines of communication are neglected, or simply dont exist. Its even worse when you are afraid to open to him or her because of how they will respond.
OK So he is waiting for her at a bar called OMalleys. And the girl walks in. And he smiles because it is HIS woman. I guess we can say whew, they figured it out before it was too late. But why did it have to get to the point where they were Escaping before the found that this whole time they were looking for each other? I never knew that you liked Pina Coladas. Or getting caught in the rain.
HEARTWORK: Write your own personal ad. Seriously. Write an ad and ask all the questions you have in your heart. Or the most important if the list is just too big. And then give it to your partner. If you are adventurous, mail it to them.
This could be a fun exercise. I bet there are some great ad's stored up in a lot of hearts out there.
Share yours. Brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
The song says a lot about how I have been feeling lately. I have all these things running through my heart and mind that I want out of life, and I am just not getting them. So do I say to myself, Self, you are being awfully selfish dont you think? Or do I say Self, Life is SHORT. You should not let it slip by without having LIVED it.
I told someone the other day that my biggest fear would be one day waking up old and regret all the things I didnt do because I was afraid, or comfortable, or bound by some other excuse for inaction. So I started to brainstorm that idea. What WOULD I do if I really had the courage? What would I change? What would I put more effort into? What needs to go and what needs more of my attention?
OK before we go any further let me tell you where I part from the song. The woman posted her ad for the escape and she had not tried to fix things with her man. Well we have to read that into it because there is no evidence to the contrary. She should have taken the time to make sure her man knew what was on her heart. That he had a chance to step up and fix the relationship. He deserved to know that the relationship was not meeting her needs. But to fair, he didnt do that either. He replied to the ad without taking the time to talk to her.
That I think is the single biggest reason two people dont make it together. An otherwise good thing is allowed to wither and die because the lines of communication are neglected, or simply dont exist. Its even worse when you are afraid to open to him or her because of how they will respond.
OK So he is waiting for her at a bar called OMalleys. And the girl walks in. And he smiles because it is HIS woman. I guess we can say whew, they figured it out before it was too late. But why did it have to get to the point where they were Escaping before the found that this whole time they were looking for each other? I never knew that you liked Pina Coladas. Or getting caught in the rain.
HEARTWORK: Write your own personal ad. Seriously. Write an ad and ask all the questions you have in your heart. Or the most important if the list is just too big. And then give it to your partner. If you are adventurous, mail it to them.
This could be a fun exercise. I bet there are some great ad's stored up in a lot of hearts out there.
Share yours. Brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Resolutions
The new year is here an no doubt many resolutions have already been broken. It’s human nature to make promises to ourselves that are designed to better us. The problem is that January 1 is just another day. There really isn’t anything magical about it. A resolution doesn’t care the day you make it. The only day that matters is the day you give up on the resolution.
I want to make a resolution. I resolve to put more effort into this blog. I will work harder on new ideas and share them with you. I hope you will share your thoughts with me as well.
Let’s brainstorm resolutions. What are the most common ones people make? Ding ding ding yes if you said lose weight and get in shape you are correct. Those are the by far the two biggest ones made. Eat healthier. Quit smoking. Give to charity. Be a better spouse. A better person. The list is endless. We know where we are lacking and we put a little extra effort to change that. I applaud everyone who tries. It does take guts to admit to ourselves that we are not measuring up. But what are we really saying about ourselves? Are we really digging deep enough and targeting the real issues?
Physical fitness is central to the most common resolutions right? What about emotional fitness? Sounds silly maybe but why not? Really. If we can devise methods to exercise physically and get in better shape why can’t we devise methods to get others area of our lives in shape too? I think we can. And if that is true I would wonder why we don’t try to work on our emotional fitness.
How do we exercise our emotions? I can think of many ways. Loving someone is a good start. I have long believed that love is an action long before it is an emotion. So we can strengthen our emotions for someone by doing things for them. If you are thinking like I am right now you are trying to come up with idea for things. Where do we start? The 5 love languages offer us a solid blueprint on ideas. Gifts. Quality time. Words of Affirmation. Touch. Acts of service. Any of these will start us in the right direction.
While we are filling their tanks with love, we strengthen our emotional “muscle”. The more we do, the easier it becomes. The more we can lift, so to speak. It is tough running that first mile isn’t it? But after trying and trying and trying it becomes easier and easier. Until a mile is a warm up for a real work out. Can’t an emotional workout do the same thing for us? If we start doing things that grow our affection and love for our partner won’t we find ourselves having deeper stronger emotions?
HEARTWORK: Take the first step. Pick 1 of the items. Words of Affirmation for example. Tell your partner they look pretty, or handsome. Tell them you appreciate them, and you are grateful to have them in your life. Tell them that meal they cooked was just amazing. Put a smile on her pretty face. It doesn’t really matter where you start. Just start. Take the first step. Exercise your emotional connection with your partner and resolve to make that a strong and vibrant part of your life.
I think that is a good start for the new year. Start today. Don’t put it off until it becomes another resolution that goes unrealized. The stakes are too high for that to happen.
Oh and let me clear up something. I really am a guy. Honest.
Do you have ideas for working on your emotional fitness? Write me and share. Brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
I want to make a resolution. I resolve to put more effort into this blog. I will work harder on new ideas and share them with you. I hope you will share your thoughts with me as well.
Let’s brainstorm resolutions. What are the most common ones people make? Ding ding ding yes if you said lose weight and get in shape you are correct. Those are the by far the two biggest ones made. Eat healthier. Quit smoking. Give to charity. Be a better spouse. A better person. The list is endless. We know where we are lacking and we put a little extra effort to change that. I applaud everyone who tries. It does take guts to admit to ourselves that we are not measuring up. But what are we really saying about ourselves? Are we really digging deep enough and targeting the real issues?
Physical fitness is central to the most common resolutions right? What about emotional fitness? Sounds silly maybe but why not? Really. If we can devise methods to exercise physically and get in better shape why can’t we devise methods to get others area of our lives in shape too? I think we can. And if that is true I would wonder why we don’t try to work on our emotional fitness.
How do we exercise our emotions? I can think of many ways. Loving someone is a good start. I have long believed that love is an action long before it is an emotion. So we can strengthen our emotions for someone by doing things for them. If you are thinking like I am right now you are trying to come up with idea for things. Where do we start? The 5 love languages offer us a solid blueprint on ideas. Gifts. Quality time. Words of Affirmation. Touch. Acts of service. Any of these will start us in the right direction.
While we are filling their tanks with love, we strengthen our emotional “muscle”. The more we do, the easier it becomes. The more we can lift, so to speak. It is tough running that first mile isn’t it? But after trying and trying and trying it becomes easier and easier. Until a mile is a warm up for a real work out. Can’t an emotional workout do the same thing for us? If we start doing things that grow our affection and love for our partner won’t we find ourselves having deeper stronger emotions?
HEARTWORK: Take the first step. Pick 1 of the items. Words of Affirmation for example. Tell your partner they look pretty, or handsome. Tell them you appreciate them, and you are grateful to have them in your life. Tell them that meal they cooked was just amazing. Put a smile on her pretty face. It doesn’t really matter where you start. Just start. Take the first step. Exercise your emotional connection with your partner and resolve to make that a strong and vibrant part of your life.
I think that is a good start for the new year. Start today. Don’t put it off until it becomes another resolution that goes unrealized. The stakes are too high for that to happen.
Oh and let me clear up something. I really am a guy. Honest.
Do you have ideas for working on your emotional fitness? Write me and share. Brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
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