OK OK

I have recently been thinking about how people of all ages seem to put so much effort into trying to do so little. Children, for example, will come up with a million reasons why they were not able to get their chores done after school. And their plate is still on the table after dinner when it is not much effort at all the relocate it to the sink. Or even better how about take the 30 seconds to give it a quick rinse and pop it in the dish washer?

I tell my kids to take their shoes out of the entry and put them in the garage on the shoe shelf, or in their room in the closet. Over and over and over. Nothing. Until I decide that I have had enough of them disrespecting me as the parent and I go and get the belt. All of a sudden the magic starts to happen. They hop up and all the stuff I have been arguing with them over is now getting done. Nobody wants to take a few cracks off the belt that’s for sure so they are motivated and encouraged to cooperate.

But WHY?

At the point where I need to get the belt out I clearly have been pushed well beyond my breaking point. I have endured enough disrespect and ignoring and its time for action. If I let them get away with that then I train them to ignore me until that last dying moment when things get serious. And the only person I will have to blame is myself. Because I taught them behavior.

So how do we prevent that from happening? Simple. Whip them. When you ask for something too many times and are forced to resort to extreme measures to see it happen then you need to follow through with the measures. That is the only way to break them of this habit of taking you for granted. Disobeying. Ignoring. Disrespecting.

Relationships are the same way. Why in the world do we have to be at our wits end with our partner and ready to walk out the door before they realize we are serious about something? When we go to them and tell them we need something to change in the relationship and they ignore us doesn’t that tell us what they really think of us? Then we get to the point where we are packing our bags and oh my they just cant jump fast enough to talk us into changing our minds.

But WHY?

We didn’t seem important enough to them to hear us before. They couldn’t take a moment and try and understand our feelings because they LOVED us. No. They only step up when push comes to shove and they are forced to hear what we have to say or face a goodbye. At that point do we really even care if they hear us? I mean, enough is enough. They wouldn’t hear for love then, why care if they hear now?

“OK OK I will stop doing this unkind thing” “OK OK I will sacrifice and do something you want that makes you happy instead of always doing just what I want” “OK OK I will listen to tell me about your day and share your thoughts and feelings and I will really communicate with you” “OK OK I will treat you like my valued lover and not just someone I have sex with.” “OK OK I will open up and tell you what my hopes and desires and fears are.”

OK OK? Now? But at this point isn’t it too late?

HEARTWORK: Ask yourself this. When you are pushed to that point, and you hear OK OK, what do you do to handle the situation? How do you deal with your kids at that point? Your partner? What do you do when you have had enough and feel like you need a permanent escape?

Tell me. brainstorminglife@yahoo.com