Are you happy?

I think we could brainstorm this topic for a lifetime and not settle on a clear definition. Your idea of happiness may be nothing like my idea, and hers may not match either of ours. His will be different than all of ours. You get the point.

But before we get off on a hundred tangents (ya that does tend to happen in a good brainstorming session) let's try and keep this germane to our current topic, that being relationships. We want to see just how and why a relationship works and can actually be considered happy.

Now let’s talk about the idea of being happy in our relationship. Is it possible to actually be deep down happy? Can we find fulfillment and personal satisfaction from the person we share our lives with? Is the idea of genuine happiness a myth? Or farse? A lie told to us by society to help trick us into believing we are happy? Certainly everyone who stays together is happy right?

You tell me. Are you happy? If you are happy is it because you have the 3 components working for you? That means you must be IN LOVE with your soul mate. How did you find that person and when did you realize you found him/her?

I remember sitting at lunch with a very good friend. He and his wife seemed to have a fantastic relationship. I was actually very jealous because they just had everything going for them. He told me that he could not imagine life being any better for him than it was at that moment. Again the flood of jealousy was washing over me because I knew he was speaking from the heart about how he felt. I knew he found what I was looking for. But HOW?

Do you think a couple achieves happiness by enduring tough times? That would depend on the tough times I am guessing. Nobody should expect to find a perfect person and have a perfect relationship. There will be tough times. Yes, you WILL fight. How you handle those times will determine the strength of the relationship after the dust has settled. Did you find resolution? Did you actually sit down and have an open and honest discussion about why you were fighting? Did both sides listen and try to see the situation from the others point of view? If someone was wrong, did they acknowledge the mistake and indicate they would work to correct it and not repeat it?

What about the idea that a couple learns to endure conflict but never really work to resolve the core issue? Are they happy? There is a theory offered by Dr. James Dobson, a good man who really works hard to help families stay strong and raise good children. He says that if a couple can stick it out, stay together through bad times, then they will eventually work toward a state of happiness.

I spent a lot of time brain storming that theory and I think the premise is entirely wrong. Just because two people are together and they have figured out how to not have conflict (FIGHT!) does NOT mean they are happy. It just means they have figured out how to numb themselves to the fact that they are not in love. They have found a formula for existing. They certainly are not loving or living.

Don’t you think that two people who have a truly open line of communication and a true willingness to resolve problems between them are the couples that find true happiness? Yes I certainly do. I believe that for a couple to be truly happy the communication channel must be open and honest. Anything less just does’nt measure up.

I want to keep going on this topic, but I would rather hear your thoughts.

HEART WORK: Brain storm you level of happiness and send it to me. Let’s see what people have to say. Are you genuinely happy? Are you miserable? Have you achieved Dr Dobson happiness and is it good enough for you?