Love and Being In Love

Hello again. I am glad you stopped in for another round of brain storming. Last entry we explored the idea of a soul mate. What I want to do in this entry is take a step deeper into the idea of a soul mate specifically in the area of love.

How many of us have been asked the ageless question “Do you still love me?” I am sure you are quick to answer the expected “Yes of course I do.” Ever wonder why they ask and why we answer yes? I have and I think it is because they are voicing a feeling of disconnect with us, and are hoping our response will bring them some comfort and reaffirm their value to us. We say yes because lets face it, it’s true. We do love them.

The problem is we gave an honest answer to the letter of the question that was asked. We did not answer honestly to the spirit of the question. Why? Because we cannot bring ourselves to tell them no, we are not in love with them. We can’t hurt them that way because that is not who we are. What we do instead is tell them yes and try to justify our existing in a loveless relationship.

How can you love them and be in a loveless relationship? If you are like me love is not enough. It doesn’t get the job done. I don’t need simple love. I need to be IN LOVE. We love our moms. We love our sons and our daughters. We love a good football game. We love our friends and our pets. But we are not in love with them. Being In Love is worlds apart from loving someone.

Being “In Love” consumes you. It grabs hold of you and holds on for dear life. It talks to you with every breath you take. You wake up and you immediately want to see her. You want to hear her voice. See her smile. You want to reach over and touch her face (and if you are like me you want to touch her ears). You want to play games with her and listen to her talk about her dreams. You want to know the deepest feelings and emotions she has.

If you love her, she takes energy from you as you do the things you must to sustain the relationship. You put your efforts into treading water with her. Maintaining the status quo is all you can work yourself up for, any more just seems like too much effort. You are not too excited about the things she is excited about, but you do them because you feel obligated. And let’s be honest: that is a shame because love should not be an obligation.

If you are in love with her, she gives you energy to do things for her to grow the relationship. Life is not about existing with her. It’s about living with her. It’s about the adventure of life in love and what the day holds and what might be waiting around the next corner. Being in love is a pleasure for your heart and soul.

I think if you have to stop and ponder the difference then you are not in love. If you wonder which best describes you then you are not in love. The a big question here for those who are brainstorming with is this: Is it possible to fall in love with him/her again? Is falling in love a normal progression for a relationship where two people are happy to be together or does it take a certain special chemistry? I said before I am not sure a soul mate can be created in someone just because you want it or they want it. I also think falling in love is completely beyond our control. What do you think?

HEART WORK: Sit down alone. Ask yourself if you are in love with them. Ask yourself if you ever were. If the answer is no then here is the biggest question we should brain storm: Is loving them enough or do you need to be in love…