I have recently been thinking about how people of all ages seem to put so much effort into trying to do so little. Children, for example, will come up with a million reasons why they were not able to get their chores done after school. And their plate is still on the table after dinner when it is not much effort at all the relocate it to the sink. Or even better how about take the 30 seconds to give it a quick rinse and pop it in the dish washer?
I tell my kids to take their shoes out of the entry and put them in the garage on the shoe shelf, or in their room in the closet. Over and over and over. Nothing. Until I decide that I have had enough of them disrespecting me as the parent and I go and get the belt. All of a sudden the magic starts to happen. They hop up and all the stuff I have been arguing with them over is now getting done. Nobody wants to take a few cracks off the belt that’s for sure so they are motivated and encouraged to cooperate.
But WHY?
At the point where I need to get the belt out I clearly have been pushed well beyond my breaking point. I have endured enough disrespect and ignoring and its time for action. If I let them get away with that then I train them to ignore me until that last dying moment when things get serious. And the only person I will have to blame is myself. Because I taught them behavior.
So how do we prevent that from happening? Simple. Whip them. When you ask for something too many times and are forced to resort to extreme measures to see it happen then you need to follow through with the measures. That is the only way to break them of this habit of taking you for granted. Disobeying. Ignoring. Disrespecting.
Relationships are the same way. Why in the world do we have to be at our wits end with our partner and ready to walk out the door before they realize we are serious about something? When we go to them and tell them we need something to change in the relationship and they ignore us doesn’t that tell us what they really think of us? Then we get to the point where we are packing our bags and oh my they just cant jump fast enough to talk us into changing our minds.
But WHY?
We didn’t seem important enough to them to hear us before. They couldn’t take a moment and try and understand our feelings because they LOVED us. No. They only step up when push comes to shove and they are forced to hear what we have to say or face a goodbye. At that point do we really even care if they hear us? I mean, enough is enough. They wouldn’t hear for love then, why care if they hear now?
“OK OK I will stop doing this unkind thing” “OK OK I will sacrifice and do something you want that makes you happy instead of always doing just what I want” “OK OK I will listen to tell me about your day and share your thoughts and feelings and I will really communicate with you” “OK OK I will treat you like my valued lover and not just someone I have sex with.” “OK OK I will open up and tell you what my hopes and desires and fears are.”
OK OK? Now? But at this point isn’t it too late?
HEARTWORK: Ask yourself this. When you are pushed to that point, and you hear OK OK, what do you do to handle the situation? How do you deal with your kids at that point? Your partner? What do you do when you have had enough and feel like you need a permanent escape?
Tell me. brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Big Brother and Jordan's Smile
I recently started watch the reality show "Big Brother." It is a pretty interesting show where a group of people come to live in a "house" that is wired everywhere with cameras that record their every move, every word, every action. The idea is that the guests team up and compete in various games for powers that protect their team and help boot the enemies out of the house.
The thing I like most about the show isn’t what we see on the regular TV program. It's what I saw when I watched Big Brother After Dark on Showtime. This is where the cameras were rolling catching all the things happening in the house when the house guests were not competing and recording the TV show. They were just being themselves trying to get along and pass the time. They played games, cooked, argued, sat out by the jacuzzi and pool, played pool, etc. Most formed close bonds with other players for various reasons, mostly preservation.
But there were those that created bonds on an emotional level. Jordan and Jeff are the couple I liked most. They were a great team and you could tell there was some real chemistry. As the show got closer to the final Jeff was removed, leaving Jordan and 2 other guests to fight it out for the win.
One night on After Dark the other 2 quests were playing chess and Jordan was on her bed staring into space. You could see she was deep in thought and from time to time a smile would break out on her face. It would get really big and cheesy, then relax, then big again. She would have a pouty lip, a smile, here eyes would sparkle. It was great to watch because in my mind she was thinking about Jeff. And her heart was smiling as she replayed all the time she had spent with him and what he meant to her.
So I got to brainstorming and I started asking myself a lot of questions about what I saw there. What do I do when I am alone like she was? Do I lay there smiling at memories of a certain person? Do I long for a chance to spend time with her again? Am I thinking about her or the pork tenderloin I barbequed for dinner last night? What is going on in our hearts and minds when we are separated from the ones we are in love with?
The funny part of the whole visual is that one of the other quests, Natalie, often spoke about her boyfriend (and eventual fiance) and how much he meant to her and how much she loved him. She was vocal about the feelings she had for him. She talked about how great he was and how she missed him. Funny thing is that for most of the show she was connected to the hip of the big body builder Jessie and she was in a constant struggle with another guest (Lydia) to Jessie’s attention. She loves her boyfriend but she was clearly into Jessie.
Jordan on the other hand never behaved like Natalie. True she didn’t have a relationship outside the show that she should have protected but even so she doesn’t act like Natalie. Jordan never comes out and expresses feelings for Jeff. She doesn’t fawn over him or behave un-lady like. She actually kept her cool and kept the relationship with Jeff from getting physical. Yet the whole time you know what she is thinking because you can see it in her eyes. The way she looked at him. The way she smiled when he came around. The way she looked when nobody was watching (except me on After Dark!) and she was thinking about him.
I think the difference is clear. One professed love, the other exhibited it. One talked about her love. The other let it show in her eyes and in her smile. One made me roll my eyes and shake my head. The other made me smile and dream a bit.
HEARTWORK: Ask yourself which of the two images better identifies where you are in your relationship. Are you the one professing a hallow love or are you the one smiling and in love? Where do you want to be? Why are you not there? What can you do to move closer toward the side your heart wants to be on?
There is a lot more here. This idea can really be explored and some very interesting perceptions and ideas can be shared. I will be thinking more on this one.
The thing I like most about the show isn’t what we see on the regular TV program. It's what I saw when I watched Big Brother After Dark on Showtime. This is where the cameras were rolling catching all the things happening in the house when the house guests were not competing and recording the TV show. They were just being themselves trying to get along and pass the time. They played games, cooked, argued, sat out by the jacuzzi and pool, played pool, etc. Most formed close bonds with other players for various reasons, mostly preservation.
But there were those that created bonds on an emotional level. Jordan and Jeff are the couple I liked most. They were a great team and you could tell there was some real chemistry. As the show got closer to the final Jeff was removed, leaving Jordan and 2 other guests to fight it out for the win.
One night on After Dark the other 2 quests were playing chess and Jordan was on her bed staring into space. You could see she was deep in thought and from time to time a smile would break out on her face. It would get really big and cheesy, then relax, then big again. She would have a pouty lip, a smile, here eyes would sparkle. It was great to watch because in my mind she was thinking about Jeff. And her heart was smiling as she replayed all the time she had spent with him and what he meant to her.
So I got to brainstorming and I started asking myself a lot of questions about what I saw there. What do I do when I am alone like she was? Do I lay there smiling at memories of a certain person? Do I long for a chance to spend time with her again? Am I thinking about her or the pork tenderloin I barbequed for dinner last night? What is going on in our hearts and minds when we are separated from the ones we are in love with?
The funny part of the whole visual is that one of the other quests, Natalie, often spoke about her boyfriend (and eventual fiance) and how much he meant to her and how much she loved him. She was vocal about the feelings she had for him. She talked about how great he was and how she missed him. Funny thing is that for most of the show she was connected to the hip of the big body builder Jessie and she was in a constant struggle with another guest (Lydia) to Jessie’s attention. She loves her boyfriend but she was clearly into Jessie.
Jordan on the other hand never behaved like Natalie. True she didn’t have a relationship outside the show that she should have protected but even so she doesn’t act like Natalie. Jordan never comes out and expresses feelings for Jeff. She doesn’t fawn over him or behave un-lady like. She actually kept her cool and kept the relationship with Jeff from getting physical. Yet the whole time you know what she is thinking because you can see it in her eyes. The way she looked at him. The way she smiled when he came around. The way she looked when nobody was watching (except me on After Dark!) and she was thinking about him.
I think the difference is clear. One professed love, the other exhibited it. One talked about her love. The other let it show in her eyes and in her smile. One made me roll my eyes and shake my head. The other made me smile and dream a bit.
HEARTWORK: Ask yourself which of the two images better identifies where you are in your relationship. Are you the one professing a hallow love or are you the one smiling and in love? Where do you want to be? Why are you not there? What can you do to move closer toward the side your heart wants to be on?
There is a lot more here. This idea can really be explored and some very interesting perceptions and ideas can be shared. I will be thinking more on this one.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Separate Together
I was on a field trip with my son yesterday and I saw something that made me pause and think. Yes I know many things do that to me but humor me. We were at a nature preserve hiking on the trails and learning about various scientific aspects of nature. We learned about rocks and their formation. We studied trees, plants, insects, and animals in the wild.
While we were walking on a particular trail called “California Trees” I noticed something very strange. These trees were enormous. Not young ones. They had lots of foliage and seemed full and healthy. They had been there a while. No that is not what was strange. What I was bothered by was how they grew in relationship to where they grew.
Follow me on this.
Trees that were alone grew full and round. They had branches popping out on all sides and they had branches that were long and had full foliage on them. This is what we expect to see when we look at a tree. Just like when we pick a Christmas tree we want one well shaped and full all the way around. These lonely trees were just like that.
Now the trees that were growing right next to each other were not full and round and robust. When you stood in the middle and looked directly up you could see there were almost no branches growing inward toward each other. None of any significance. The only strong branches were outside growing away from each other. Now I could see how a person could look at that picture and say “see, they are each doing their part, complimenting the other. Together they are single full tree.”
I say no. They look like they had their backs to each other. They hardly touched. There was no real physical connection. There was almost no intertwining or sense of intimacy. They looked like they were stunted and were only allowed to grow where the other was not interfering. Like two halves of an unconnected puzzle. It was sad to see.
Too often we live like that. Each of us there in the house doing what we know we should do to make things look full and rounded out. Taking up slack and doing our part. Merely existing in close proximity to the other half of our partnership. Not fully involved with each other. Just doing what we need to in order survive. Missing out on so much.
Why is that? Why do we allow that? Why do we sit idly by while our lives roll on with so much less than we deserve from our relationship? Or have we just gotten tired of trying to make that deep heart-felt connection? Or are we tired of being the only one still concerned with the state of the relationship?
HEARTWORK: Brainstorm this idea yourself. Take a look at how your branches are growing. Are they reaching toward your partner in an attempt to grow together or do they grow away from them? Analyze that answer. We will be back to revisit this idea.
brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
While we were walking on a particular trail called “California Trees” I noticed something very strange. These trees were enormous. Not young ones. They had lots of foliage and seemed full and healthy. They had been there a while. No that is not what was strange. What I was bothered by was how they grew in relationship to where they grew.
Follow me on this.
Trees that were alone grew full and round. They had branches popping out on all sides and they had branches that were long and had full foliage on them. This is what we expect to see when we look at a tree. Just like when we pick a Christmas tree we want one well shaped and full all the way around. These lonely trees were just like that.
Now the trees that were growing right next to each other were not full and round and robust. When you stood in the middle and looked directly up you could see there were almost no branches growing inward toward each other. None of any significance. The only strong branches were outside growing away from each other. Now I could see how a person could look at that picture and say “see, they are each doing their part, complimenting the other. Together they are single full tree.”
I say no. They look like they had their backs to each other. They hardly touched. There was no real physical connection. There was almost no intertwining or sense of intimacy. They looked like they were stunted and were only allowed to grow where the other was not interfering. Like two halves of an unconnected puzzle. It was sad to see.
Too often we live like that. Each of us there in the house doing what we know we should do to make things look full and rounded out. Taking up slack and doing our part. Merely existing in close proximity to the other half of our partnership. Not fully involved with each other. Just doing what we need to in order survive. Missing out on so much.
Why is that? Why do we allow that? Why do we sit idly by while our lives roll on with so much less than we deserve from our relationship? Or have we just gotten tired of trying to make that deep heart-felt connection? Or are we tired of being the only one still concerned with the state of the relationship?
HEARTWORK: Brainstorm this idea yourself. Take a look at how your branches are growing. Are they reaching toward your partner in an attempt to grow together or do they grow away from them? Analyze that answer. We will be back to revisit this idea.
brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
A Ring On Her Finger
A couple of nights ago I was at a restaurant having dinner. I was walking back from the restroom and I was stopped by an elderly lady who was in a bit of a panic. Apparently she had taken a ring off her finger and somehow dropped it on the ground near her table. The ring was gold and the floor was brown. The lighting was not great so it added to the problem. She had been searching for it and had given up hope. She said in a nervous voice “I dropped my ring would you please help me find it?” I looked around for a minute and found where it had rolled off to.
I picked it up off the ground and turned to show it to her. She was beaming. She asked me if I would put it back on her finger for her because her hands were shaky. I am not sure if it was from being scared she lost the ring, or if she had another problem. I said I sure would and I held her frail hand and slide the ring on her finger. Again she was beaming at me and she said “I think we are engaged now.” It was very cute and I told her I was the lucky one.
The whole time this was going on her husband sat quietly at the table. He showed no signs of care or concern for how she felt about losing the ring. He didn’t budge while I was looking. He didn’t say thank you when I found it. He didn’t show any sign at all that he was concerned for how she felt. He was a blank slate completely detached and emotionless.
It shouldn’t have shocked me then as I watched them have their meal. They sat there in silence and ate. She looked around at her surroundings and seemed hungry for conversation. He sat there staring off into space slowly chewing food he didn’t seem to enjoy. They hardly spoke a word to each other. I would be willing to bet their home was as silent as a cemetery which would be fitting because clearly the love was dead.
I thought about how sad and lonely those lives were. Where did it end? What happened to send them down separate roads emotionally? Why did he show so little concern for her when doing so would be so effortless and gain him so much good will? Why do we miss opportunities to grow love when they seem so plentiful? Here is something for you to consider. Love is not only an emotion. It’s every bit as much a verb. It’s action. It’s an outward demonstration of how feel inside.
When you actively love your partner you can’t help but build a stronger deeper more meaningful connection to their soul. The Bible says that where a man’s treasure is you will find his heart. I wonder how many of us treasure our partner. Do they have your heart? Don’t wake up one day living separately together. Life is short. Love is so precious.
HEARTWORK: Pick up her ring and put it on her heart. I mean her finger. Take that as you will.
Share your thoughts. brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
I picked it up off the ground and turned to show it to her. She was beaming. She asked me if I would put it back on her finger for her because her hands were shaky. I am not sure if it was from being scared she lost the ring, or if she had another problem. I said I sure would and I held her frail hand and slide the ring on her finger. Again she was beaming at me and she said “I think we are engaged now.” It was very cute and I told her I was the lucky one.
The whole time this was going on her husband sat quietly at the table. He showed no signs of care or concern for how she felt about losing the ring. He didn’t budge while I was looking. He didn’t say thank you when I found it. He didn’t show any sign at all that he was concerned for how she felt. He was a blank slate completely detached and emotionless.
It shouldn’t have shocked me then as I watched them have their meal. They sat there in silence and ate. She looked around at her surroundings and seemed hungry for conversation. He sat there staring off into space slowly chewing food he didn’t seem to enjoy. They hardly spoke a word to each other. I would be willing to bet their home was as silent as a cemetery which would be fitting because clearly the love was dead.
I thought about how sad and lonely those lives were. Where did it end? What happened to send them down separate roads emotionally? Why did he show so little concern for her when doing so would be so effortless and gain him so much good will? Why do we miss opportunities to grow love when they seem so plentiful? Here is something for you to consider. Love is not only an emotion. It’s every bit as much a verb. It’s action. It’s an outward demonstration of how feel inside.
When you actively love your partner you can’t help but build a stronger deeper more meaningful connection to their soul. The Bible says that where a man’s treasure is you will find his heart. I wonder how many of us treasure our partner. Do they have your heart? Don’t wake up one day living separately together. Life is short. Love is so precious.
HEARTWORK: Pick up her ring and put it on her heart. I mean her finger. Take that as you will.
Share your thoughts. brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Recklessness in Between
I read this phrase in a book the other day and it sent me into a brainstorming session. To understand what the idea is let me put it in context. A guy and a girl are talking about life and about a plan to mix responsibility with a little adventure. They agreed that a couple of times a week they would get together and do the right thing. In this case they mean their homework. But they also had a plan to toss in a little adventure in there as well.
The reason this got me brainstorming is because I could see how easy it is to get stuck in a “do the right thing” pattern. You know what I mean. We get up, shower and get dressed, get the kids ready for school, feed them and get them off to school, drive to work, bust our tails on the job while trying to keep our sanity, drive home, soccer practice, little league practice, laundry, cook dinner, home work, grocery shopping, clean the kitchen, put the kids in bed, drop down in our bed exhausted, REPEAT TOMORROW.
Why? Because it is expected of us. It is responsible and it is right and it is what we do. Without ever realizing it this IS our plan. It is what we know we will do day in and day out for as long as the eye can see into the future. We slip into the routine and before we know years have flown by and we wonder what the heck is becoming of my life?!?!? It’s not hard to see how one thing leads to another and we are bitter, angry, curious, depressed, wandering, bored, upset, or heck any number of other emotions associated with this.
How can we fight this off? What can we do to keep life fun and exciting and have us looking forward to something? A little recklessness in between. Doing something not in the plan. Doing something out of the norm. (Hey it can even be planned) Stepping out and breaking free from the same-old same-olds. Have some adventure.
Easier said than done? Nope. Maybe it’s easier to dismiss and not do it because yes it will take some effort. But I am pretty sure the rewards will be well worth it. How about some ideas. Call your mom on a Tuesday night and ask her to watch the kids. Take them to her if she can’t come stay with them. When your partner gets home tell them to shower up you are taking them to dinner. Then after a nice dinner where you have some adult conversation about things other than work and the kids go find some isolated place to make out. Maybe even indulge in some car sex.
Have you seen the bendy foam binder kit you can get at Spencer? Pick it up at lunch and bring it home. Let your imagination fill in the rest of that idea.
OK how about something not so racy? Join a bowling league together. Have you seen how much fun people have with that? Hanging out with other adults, maybe have a beer or wine (I am a sweet tea kinda guy myself), laughing at each other. Some healthy competition. Blow off some steam. Make new friends. Do something with your partner!
It really doesn’t matter what you do to be reckless in between. It only matters that you do something. You need to find ways to create excitement and anticipation in your relationship that goes beyond the norm. Break the mold. Whatever phrase you gravitate to you get the point.
And for those who subscribe to the 5 Love Languages, this is quality time.
HEARTWORK: Get reckless. Do something unpredictable and outside your comfort zone. Shock your partner with a little creativity. Live a night on the edge. Just one. Just for a start. And see what that does to your relationship. See if it energizes it. Renews some old flame and creates a fresh sense of excitement.
Share your reckless ideas with me and I will post them. I started with 3. What would you add to the list?
brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
The reason this got me brainstorming is because I could see how easy it is to get stuck in a “do the right thing” pattern. You know what I mean. We get up, shower and get dressed, get the kids ready for school, feed them and get them off to school, drive to work, bust our tails on the job while trying to keep our sanity, drive home, soccer practice, little league practice, laundry, cook dinner, home work, grocery shopping, clean the kitchen, put the kids in bed, drop down in our bed exhausted, REPEAT TOMORROW.
Why? Because it is expected of us. It is responsible and it is right and it is what we do. Without ever realizing it this IS our plan. It is what we know we will do day in and day out for as long as the eye can see into the future. We slip into the routine and before we know years have flown by and we wonder what the heck is becoming of my life?!?!? It’s not hard to see how one thing leads to another and we are bitter, angry, curious, depressed, wandering, bored, upset, or heck any number of other emotions associated with this.
How can we fight this off? What can we do to keep life fun and exciting and have us looking forward to something? A little recklessness in between. Doing something not in the plan. Doing something out of the norm. (Hey it can even be planned) Stepping out and breaking free from the same-old same-olds. Have some adventure.
Easier said than done? Nope. Maybe it’s easier to dismiss and not do it because yes it will take some effort. But I am pretty sure the rewards will be well worth it. How about some ideas. Call your mom on a Tuesday night and ask her to watch the kids. Take them to her if she can’t come stay with them. When your partner gets home tell them to shower up you are taking them to dinner. Then after a nice dinner where you have some adult conversation about things other than work and the kids go find some isolated place to make out. Maybe even indulge in some car sex.
Have you seen the bendy foam binder kit you can get at Spencer? Pick it up at lunch and bring it home. Let your imagination fill in the rest of that idea.
OK how about something not so racy? Join a bowling league together. Have you seen how much fun people have with that? Hanging out with other adults, maybe have a beer or wine (I am a sweet tea kinda guy myself), laughing at each other. Some healthy competition. Blow off some steam. Make new friends. Do something with your partner!
It really doesn’t matter what you do to be reckless in between. It only matters that you do something. You need to find ways to create excitement and anticipation in your relationship that goes beyond the norm. Break the mold. Whatever phrase you gravitate to you get the point.
And for those who subscribe to the 5 Love Languages, this is quality time.
HEARTWORK: Get reckless. Do something unpredictable and outside your comfort zone. Shock your partner with a little creativity. Live a night on the edge. Just one. Just for a start. And see what that does to your relationship. See if it energizes it. Renews some old flame and creates a fresh sense of excitement.
Share your reckless ideas with me and I will post them. I started with 3. What would you add to the list?
brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Starting at the end
A friend of mine turned me on to Boston Legal and I am hooked. I bought seasons 1 and 2 on DVD and I am sitting in the airport watching one of the episodes. This particular episode has Michael J Fox playing Daniel Post, a rich man being sued for rigging a medical study. His attorney is the charming Denise Bauer, a smart and witty lawyer whom he begins to fall in love with. She sees all the wonderful things that makes Daniel who he is. His passion for life, drive, caring and loving heart. He is a real catch in every sense of the word with one fatal flaw. He is dying of cancer.
Daniel has a real zest for things. Outgoing and positive even though he realizes his days are literally coming to an end. He decides that he is going to give himself a funeral. Ya crazy I know. But he wanted to have his life celebrated, not mourned. So he throws a huge party with fun and games and friends and family all gathered to tell what Daniel has meant to them. After all don’t we all want to know what we mean to the people we love the most? I wonder what will be said of me on that day, just as Daniel was.
He invites Denise to go as his date. It is kind of funny as he invites a girl he is falling in love with to be his date at a funeral where he is the guest of honor. But she decides to go and does. She shows up and it’s a festival all right. People wearing the jersey of Daniels favorite hockey team, playing foosball and drinking beer. They even have a zamboni shaped cake. Apparently he was a fan.
Denise is watching this whole thing unfold and it hits her. She always KNEW Daniel was dying. She is his attorney defending him for rigging a cancer study. She knew he was running out of time and that other treatments he has tried had not worked. His current treatment wasn’t working. And the new treatment showed promise. But still, reality is what it is and he was almost assured to be dead very soon.
So what in the world was she thinking? Falling in love with a man facing the end of his life? Falling in love is supposed to the BEGINNING of a beautiful life isn’t it? Where did things go so wrong?
She runs from the funeral and Daniel chases her. He asks her where she is going and with tears in her eyes she sadly surveys the scene with him. They are at a party for him, with his friends and his family, and she is meeting them. And this is supposed to be a beginning. Not an end. And she knows she cant fall in love with someone when the end is near. She cant start at the end and miss all the possibilities and promises that beginnings are made of. And she walks away.
It made me brainstorm the idea that waiting for the end to start a beginning is such a tragic thing. Because life is supposed to be full of promise. And a look into the future, not the past. That when we are in that situation and we should be affectionately reliving wonderful memories full of love and laughter. Not speculating on what could have been.
Ultimately the tragedy is not that Daniel is dying. I hope you know that already. The tragedy is that he missed out on a great love. That he took too long to find one. That the sun was setting and he was just realizing he hadn’t been living. He was too busy to be in love. And love came too late for him.
I wonder how many of us will share his mistake.
Daniel has a real zest for things. Outgoing and positive even though he realizes his days are literally coming to an end. He decides that he is going to give himself a funeral. Ya crazy I know. But he wanted to have his life celebrated, not mourned. So he throws a huge party with fun and games and friends and family all gathered to tell what Daniel has meant to them. After all don’t we all want to know what we mean to the people we love the most? I wonder what will be said of me on that day, just as Daniel was.
He invites Denise to go as his date. It is kind of funny as he invites a girl he is falling in love with to be his date at a funeral where he is the guest of honor. But she decides to go and does. She shows up and it’s a festival all right. People wearing the jersey of Daniels favorite hockey team, playing foosball and drinking beer. They even have a zamboni shaped cake. Apparently he was a fan.
Denise is watching this whole thing unfold and it hits her. She always KNEW Daniel was dying. She is his attorney defending him for rigging a cancer study. She knew he was running out of time and that other treatments he has tried had not worked. His current treatment wasn’t working. And the new treatment showed promise. But still, reality is what it is and he was almost assured to be dead very soon.
So what in the world was she thinking? Falling in love with a man facing the end of his life? Falling in love is supposed to the BEGINNING of a beautiful life isn’t it? Where did things go so wrong?
She runs from the funeral and Daniel chases her. He asks her where she is going and with tears in her eyes she sadly surveys the scene with him. They are at a party for him, with his friends and his family, and she is meeting them. And this is supposed to be a beginning. Not an end. And she knows she cant fall in love with someone when the end is near. She cant start at the end and miss all the possibilities and promises that beginnings are made of. And she walks away.
It made me brainstorm the idea that waiting for the end to start a beginning is such a tragic thing. Because life is supposed to be full of promise. And a look into the future, not the past. That when we are in that situation and we should be affectionately reliving wonderful memories full of love and laughter. Not speculating on what could have been.
Ultimately the tragedy is not that Daniel is dying. I hope you know that already. The tragedy is that he missed out on a great love. That he took too long to find one. That the sun was setting and he was just realizing he hadn’t been living. He was too busy to be in love. And love came too late for him.
I wonder how many of us will share his mistake.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
A Brave Heart
I have to say that Braveheart is a top 10 movie for me. In fact it's right up there next to the top. I was reflecting on the subtle things that are said in the movie and I wonder how many people hear the words, and how many people HEAR the words. What I mean by that is most people are listening to the things said throughout the movie. But how many are actually listening to what is said and understand the meaning, the message, that they are sending?
The line I am thinking about is the one William says Princess Isabella during one of their very emotional conversations. "Every man dies, not every man really lives." The whole idea goes back to my basic belief that I have shared here many times, that it is not good enough to just exist in a partnership however you define that. Our hearts desire more. They desire, even demand, more.
We know what we want. Yet we continue day in and day out to settle for far less than our hearts beg us for. Why? Because everyman dies. Not every man really lives. It's easy to go along for the sake of comfort and peace. It's easy to say I can tolerate the fact that I am so far from desires because I am so close to my comforts. Why upset things? Why cause trouble, inflict pain, hurt feelings, maybe even break up an otherwise happy home?
I spend a lot of time on that idea. Ending something that is adequate. Tolerable. Nothing more than a mere existence but an easy one at that. If I give in a little and work a little to cooperate I can trade that for a little bit better than a moderate love. I see that. So why can't I just say ok? Why do I keep beating my head against the wall and asking for more when more will hurt people I do love. It's not easy.
Brainstorm that idea out a little and maybe the answer will be clear to you as well. My answer is simple. I am willing to do it because my heart demands more. My heart demands the love of a soulmate. My heart demands someone who wants me to love her that way in return. My heart demands someone who is not willing to accept merely existing in a tolerable relationship. I demand someone who wants to really live. To really love.
HEARTWORK: Brainstorm your TRUE heart requirements. Can you get them in the relationship you have if you put in the effort? That's always the best hope. But if not, what are you willing to settle for? Most everyone will find someone to love. Not everyone will find someone to be crazy in love with.
It takes a BRAVE heart to stand up and say I need more. It takes a braver heart to take the steps required to have more. That's my take. What's yours?
brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
The line I am thinking about is the one William says Princess Isabella during one of their very emotional conversations. "Every man dies, not every man really lives." The whole idea goes back to my basic belief that I have shared here many times, that it is not good enough to just exist in a partnership however you define that. Our hearts desire more. They desire, even demand, more.
We know what we want. Yet we continue day in and day out to settle for far less than our hearts beg us for. Why? Because everyman dies. Not every man really lives. It's easy to go along for the sake of comfort and peace. It's easy to say I can tolerate the fact that I am so far from desires because I am so close to my comforts. Why upset things? Why cause trouble, inflict pain, hurt feelings, maybe even break up an otherwise happy home?
I spend a lot of time on that idea. Ending something that is adequate. Tolerable. Nothing more than a mere existence but an easy one at that. If I give in a little and work a little to cooperate I can trade that for a little bit better than a moderate love. I see that. So why can't I just say ok? Why do I keep beating my head against the wall and asking for more when more will hurt people I do love. It's not easy.
Brainstorm that idea out a little and maybe the answer will be clear to you as well. My answer is simple. I am willing to do it because my heart demands more. My heart demands the love of a soulmate. My heart demands someone who wants me to love her that way in return. My heart demands someone who is not willing to accept merely existing in a tolerable relationship. I demand someone who wants to really live. To really love.
HEARTWORK: Brainstorm your TRUE heart requirements. Can you get them in the relationship you have if you put in the effort? That's always the best hope. But if not, what are you willing to settle for? Most everyone will find someone to love. Not everyone will find someone to be crazy in love with.
It takes a BRAVE heart to stand up and say I need more. It takes a braver heart to take the steps required to have more. That's my take. What's yours?
brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
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