Then by Brad Paisley

This is about as perfect a song as you can find.  And it makes so much sense to start right here.  This song takes you from the early moments when you first saw each other right up to the end of life and death parts you. 

I love the idea that he takes her back to where they had their first date and that is where he proposes.  He doesn’t care who is watching.  Why should he?  His whole future is looking him in the eyes and he is oblivious to what the world around him is doing.  Nobody else matters.  Nobody can distract him from what is in front of him.  He is not taking his eyes off the prize.  He sees as far off into the future as his imagination will let him and there is nothing he would rather have than her in that moment and the road before them.

The part I love most about this song is that he keeps thinking “wow at this moment there is no possible way I could love this girl any more than I do” And then something wonderful happens and he is thinking “no way…this is even more amazing than that last most amazing moment!  How will I top THIS?”  But not long after something happens and he does.  And the amazement continues.

Do you ever stop in that moment when you catch yourself just looking at her?  And you realize you are being overwhelmed with the emotion of the moment.  She doesn’t even know you are looking at her and you are just submersed in feelings of love and adoration and you think “Why Lord?  What did I do to deserve this woman you gave me?”  And you realize the answer is nothing.  He gave her to you because He loves you.  And then it happens again.  You are even more in love with this gift from God than you were just moments before.  

This is how our relationships should work. This is a perfect outline for how things are meant to be from start to finish.  We need to work on filling in the details.  This is just the outline.  A road map.  And the stops along the adventure are up to you.  Take care along the road to record as much as possible so you can replay it all when you need to charge your batteries.

HEARTWORK:  Take her back to the place of your first date.  If you are married…propose again.  If not, at least pour your heart out to and tell her what you see on the road in your mind’s eye.  Show her pictures in your phone that you took of her that she doesn’t know you have (I have those)  Tell her what they do to you when you look at them in your quiet time.  Pay attention to how you feel when you do this.  You will be amazed.

If you have song ideas we should discuss, have topics you want to see explored, comments, ideas, disagreements, whatever, J feel free to send me an email:  Brainstorminglife@yahoo.com

Songs To Build Your Relationship With

I have been brainstorming topics and ideas the past few weeks looking for a new nugget to share with you all and I think I stumbled on something.  I was playing my youtube song list at my desk yesterday and I was thinking about how powerful the words are in the songs I was listening to.  How there is so much in them about how to find, catch, keep, grow a great love.  How there are so many warnings about what not to do.  How there are ideas about how to look at the same situation through very different lenses and get fresh new perspective.

With that in mind I am going to review songs from my list and tell you how I think they apply to relationship.  What message they hold that we need to not only see, but weave into our lives.

Here is a glimpse of my list...if you have songs you think should be added please send me an email and I will do it.  Brainstorminglife@yahoo.com

Then - Brad Paisley
Crazy Love - Aaron Neville
She's More - Andy Griggs
Me And You - Kenny Chesney
Memories of Us - Keith Urban
You're My Best Friend - Queen
IOU - Lee Greenwood
I'd Choose You Again - Forester Sisters
I Just Called To Say I Love You - Stevie Wonder
It Might Be You - Stephen Bishop
A Different Light - Chante Moore

OK That is a nice scratch the surface list.  Let's play with this and see what we come up with.

HEARTWORK:  Take a good long look at the songs you listen to.  Do they promote love and affection in your relationship or do they bring division?  Are they encouraging you to love your partner or treat them poorly?  Would you want your daughter/son to be treated the way your music says to treat relationships?  If no...get rid of it.  If it does...share it :)

Serving a Purpose

I follow a few relationship pages on Facebook and really enjoy the messages they post on a daily basis.  Very few ever rub me the wrong way.  Most hit home and confirm my thoughts and feelings about what it means to be in a happy loving relationship. The post I saw today was something else. “Sometimes a man’s purpose in a woman's life is to help her become a better woman...for another man”

I have been very fortunate to have been in relationships with girls that I consider to be absolute catches.  They were amazing on so many levels that I would sit and ask myself “How did I find her?  Why was she single?  What fool let this girl get away?  What can I do to convince her to marry me?”  on and on.  I would put all my effort into studying them.  Learning their facial expressions, their noises, their body language, what they liked to eat, what they liked to do, everything!  WHY?  Because the more I knew about them the better I could be at loving them.  The more effort I put into understanding them the more I wanted to understand them.  The more I tried to love them the more I wanted to love them.

But it didn’t work you say.  And you are correct.  Regardless of my efforts I was unable to secure a happily ever after with them.  Why?  Various reasons I suppose.  The truth is known, but not important for this discussion.  The fact that there was something missing on my part is the seed I want to plant and see what grows.

What if it was never intended for me to have been the lucky guy that lifted her vale for the last time in her life?  Slide that ring on a trembling finger and promised that all I have been to them thus far was only an audition, and I intended to be far more going forward than I ever was leading up to that moment.  That the best was truly yet to come.  That I had so much more to give and the possibilities were now endless because she was forever mine!  

Maybe my job was to show her how amazing she is, regardless of what she was told in the past.  Or maybe I was there to teach her she deserves the absolute best in life and that if she settles for less it is because she chose to, not because she had no other option.  Maybe opening her door, and listening to their thoughts and feelings, and making them feel important and valued will teach them they should expect respect for themselves, and from themselves.  That they should never sell themselves short and give in to someone who does not deserve them.  Maybe my job was to be her best friend if that is what she wanted from me.  

Ultimately…my job was to change what she thought of herself.  To show her she is a treasure and a gift from God and the man had better well be deserving.  

Even though I didn't win the prize in the end I have to tell you that it was the pleasure of a lifetime serving the purposes I served.  I will treasure each memory and do my best to learn from all my mistakes.  Eventually I will be the guy.  Until then ....

HEARTWORK:  Make a list of all the things that your partner has taught you about yourself.  List the things you love about yourself that have changed because they are in your life.  List the things you think changed in your partners life because of your presence.  Now have the courage to hide away somewhere quiet and tell each other what is on your list.  Have the courage to tell them the things you want to add to your list. 

Memories

Today was Memorial Day.  A day we remember all the men and women who have paid the ultimate price for the freedoms we enjoy.  "Greater love hath no man than he lay down his life for a friend"  Those words are a true today as they were the day Jesus first spoke them.

So on memorial day I want to ask you to take a minute and revisit all your memories that have been created in your relationship.  But lets focus on the good memories.  There are plenty of times we spend far to much time wallowing in the misfortunes and mistakes we have made in the past.  Today is a day for good memories.

Remember the first time you looked into each others eyes.  Tell that person about that moment and how it felt.  Remember the first time you held hands to walk somewhere.  Do you remember how exciting that was?  How about that first kiss?  The first time you prayed together?  With the blending of families in todays dating world, you may have brought children to the relationship.  Do you remember the first time you met them?  The first time the kids met each other?  :)

How about the first time you said I love you?  Was it something you intended to do or did it slip out?  How about the first time you made love?  How about the first time he/she did something really cute that caught you off guard because people before them did not do that? 

So many wonderful memories.  My heart is just so full of them.  So many to replay tonight.  So many that I wish I could re-live.  :)

Life is short.  Don't pass up a chance to really linger in the moment.  Live to moment.  Embrace it and take a brilliant mental picture.  You will want to keep it for a life time.

Heartwork:  Smile.  Life is good.  Be glad for all the sunshine. 

Fight the GOOD fight.

Fighting is a wonderful thing when done in proper context.  First and foremost it is a necessary component to a healthy relationship because it allows each side to bring grievances out into the open and get them discussed, and hopefully resolved.  It also is a powerful tool for correcting bad behavior, and for spurring a lack of behavior at times.  Fighting in and of itself is a good thing inside a relationship.  Show me a relationship where this is no fighting, and I will show you a relationship that is void of passion.

The fighting I want to talk about is in this post is not fighting in a relationship.  I want to talk about fighting FOR a relationship.  This kind of fighting is a daily activity that must be done by both parties in the relationship if it is to have any hopes of being truly successful.  Mind you, I do not count existing as being successful.  So if you think simply sticking together makes your relationship successful…we are not on the same page.

So what do I mean by fighting FOR a relationship?  This concept is pretty simple in my mind.  You do the things that are required to ensure emotional and spiritual safety.  You preserve the integrity of the relationship by being honest when it hurts, transparent when it’s scary, proactive when your heart is not in it, thoughtful when you feel neglected, and faithful when you are sorely tempted.  I am sure there are more components, but these are the ones I am talking about now.  (but you know if you want to expand on them or present additional ones that I will write about your ideas…)

Ephesians Chapter 6 is a warfare chapter in the bible.  Be strong in the Lord and the power of His might.  Take on the whole armor of God.  Stand your ground against the devil and when you have done ALL You can do…STAND.  

Let’s look at that whole idea in a relationship context.  

Every day we wake up the devil is going to try and ruin our relationship.  The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy.  We must fight FOR our relationship and keep it protected and healthy every day.  When we are tempted by someone to make a relationship-destroying decision we need to recognize that and turn away.  Put on the eyes of faithfulness. Don’t allow yourself to be caught up in flirting or other behavior you would not do if your partner were watching.  Pretend they ARE watching…and maintain your personal integrity.  Do not allow it to be compromised.  Once compromised…it loses all its value.

Put on the mind of transparency.  Don’t sneak, hide, or pretend.  I was watching my son’s friend snapchat the other night and he said it was great because no matter what picture you send…it is gone on their phone in 10 seconds.  And they can’t keep a running conversation so you don’t worry about someone seeing anything you forgot to hide.  And you can’t tell they were even doing it.  Why would anyone allow themselves to be caught up in such a destructive encounter?  Get rid of it.  Get rid of all temptations to sneak.  Delete old contacts, unfriend old flames, block anyone you have to.  Do whatever it takes to remove the opportunity to be shady in our behavior.  Don’t hide something you did because you fear the repercussions – Don’t do it in the first place!  And if you do…come clean.  When they find out what you did it will be worse…far worse. Don’t pretend you are happy when you are upset about something (oh man am I guilty of this one!!!!)  If there is occasion to tell them about something they deserve to know…past present future…TELL THEM.  What He/She doesn’t know won't hurt them...right?  Wrong!  It will destroy them when they find out on their own.

Put on the lips of honesty.  This one is HARD.  I will be the first to admit I find ways to avoid the truth when I feel it will cause problems in the relationship OR when I need time to really consider how I feel about something.  Don’t do it.  Don’t lie.  Don’t allow your partner to have doubts about what you say to them because once that happens…you are forever compromised.  Like a branch that is broken.  Yes it may still bear fruit but it will never be the strong fruit producer that it was before.  Once broken, it will have to be cut off at the lie, and allowed to grow from a fresh offshoot.  But that only happens when the truth is told.  And not just enough to get by…the whole truth.

Put on the feet of service.  When you are angry, or hurt, or frustrated with your partner…serve them.  Open her door, poor him coffee in the morning, compliment her on how great she looks.  (You better or some demon in the world will)  Bake her the cookies she loves.  Run her a bath.  Walk with her.  Listen to him complain about something and just be his friend.  Do the little things that you did when you were trying to win the other person.  That is fighting for the relationship when it is hardest to do.

OK That is where I am stopping for now.  There is a LOT more that can be said…so I will let you all send ideas and thoughts and help direct the continued discussion here.

HEARTWORK:  Ask yourself if you wake up every morning determined to FIGHT for your relationship?  Are there areas where you have not been doing a good job?  Fix it.  Are there areas you find yourself under assualt?  Pray and ask God for the strength to stand against the thief coming to steal your relationship.  Ask yourself if you have failed any of these ideas.  If you have, find the courage to fix it.  Come clean.  Clean house.  Get things right.  Find the courage to take the hard road now.  Otherwise you may find the other person has decided to stop fighting…and is turning to the other part of that most basic survival instinct.  Flight. 

Email me:  Brainstorminglife@yahoo.com

Appraisals and Finding Value

I absolutely love looking at something with potential and brainstorming things I could do to bring that potential to fruition.  I watch the fix and flip shows on DIY and HGTV and I see how they find this complete wreck of a house and put some work into it and end up with this amazing home that anyone would be thrilled to live in.  I have been driving around the city I live in looking for opportunities to do something like those guys on the fix-flip shows.  I have done enough renovation to know what I can do and what I need help getting done.  I am pretty good at figure out the work that is needed, how much it will cost, and what the return on the investment will be. 

Recently I bought an apartment with a coin-operated laundry room.  I was interested in how that works so I did some research on the web and found out that it has the potential to be a real money maker.  I thought about that and started looking into store-front laundromats as a possible business venture.  I found some very interesting things out about the business.  For example, the ones that appear to be clean and well cared for had a much higher market value than ones that did the bare minimum maintenance.  Does that surprise anyone?  Not me.  It makes perfect sense.  The better you care for your investment, the more value it has.  It kind of dove-tails into the biblical concept "where your treasure is, there will your heart be also"  But I see that both directions.  Where your heart is, there will be your treasure.  And business owners that care for their business and take care of it see the most treasure (value) from the investment.

I started playing with ideas.  What if I section of an area for entertainment and I put in an old Nintendo and charge a little to rent time on the console?  I can buy one online with a dozen games for $100.  If I rent it for $5 an hour I could recover my entire investment in a few short days.  Everything after that is pure profit.  Not only do I make money from the console, I provide the parents a tremendous benefit by keeping their kids entertained while they wash clothes.  If you have kids you know what a nightmare it is to keep them behaved for several hours when they bored out of their minds.  So the Nintendo will add marketing value to my business and encourage customers to use my machines rather than the machines 2 blocks closer to home.  Value.

It makes me smile thinking that I named this blog "Life and all the possibilities"  Because that is what I see everywhere I look.  I wake up every morning and I ask what can I do to make life more valuable and rewarding today.  If I am in a relationship how can I bring more value to it?  How can find new ways to bring that person back and have them feel like this is where they are getting the most return on their investment.  They have other options, what can I do to make my offering more valuable to them than the competition?  What do they need in their lives that I can somehow provide that would keep them coming back for more of me?  Keep them from window shopping for other more enticing locations? I look at opportunities I have had where I was not successful and it breaks my heart.

Ultimately that is what we need to ask ourselves each and morning.  What value can I bring to the table today?  What do I see in my partner that would flourish if I put some extra effort into it?  Do I see opportunity to grow something that is otherwise neglected and unused?  Is there something there that is just waiting to have someone show some interest?  Is there this dry empty field that hides millions of beautiful flowers beneath the surface and is just waiting for the right pair of eyes to recognize it and put a little water on it?

I want to be that person.  The one that recognizes the potential in my partner and find ways to grow it.  I want to see her beaming with a smile that starts in the soul, moves to the heart, and radiates from her eyes.  I want to find the ways to make that happen.  When I have failed, I ache.  When I missed the opportunity, I kick myself and I am angry at me for not paying attention. 

Heartwork:  Take the time to appraise your relationship.  Figure out the true value.  Figure out where there is opportunity to grow that value.  Find new untapped potential and put some serious effort into frowing that from an empty lot into a beautiful field of flowers.  Email me and tell me what you discovered.

brainstorminglife@yahoo.com