Fighting is a wonderful thing when done in proper
context. First and foremost it is a
necessary component to a healthy relationship because it allows each side to
bring grievances out into the open and get them discussed, and hopefully
resolved. It also is a powerful tool for
correcting bad behavior, and for spurring a lack of behavior at times. Fighting in and of itself is a good thing
inside a relationship. Show me a
relationship where this is no fighting, and I will show you a relationship that
is void of passion.
The fighting I want to talk about is in this post is not
fighting in a relationship. I want to
talk about fighting FOR a relationship.
This kind of fighting is a daily activity that must be done by both
parties in the relationship if it is to have any hopes of being truly
successful. Mind you, I do not count
existing as being successful. So if you
think simply sticking together makes your relationship successful…we are not on
the same page.
So what do I mean by fighting FOR a relationship? This concept is pretty simple in my
mind. You do the things that are
required to ensure emotional and spiritual safety. You preserve the integrity of the
relationship by being honest when it hurts, transparent when it’s scary,
proactive when your heart is not in it, thoughtful when you feel neglected, and
faithful when you are sorely tempted. I
am sure there are more components, but these are the ones I am talking about
now. (but you know if you want to expand
on them or present additional ones that I will write about your ideas…)
Ephesians Chapter 6 is a warfare chapter in the bible. Be strong in the Lord and the power of His
might. Take on the whole armor of
God. Stand your ground against the devil
and when you have done ALL You can do…STAND.
Let’s look at that whole idea in a relationship context.
Every day we wake up the devil is going to try and ruin our
relationship. The thief comes to steal,
kill, and destroy. We must fight FOR our
relationship and keep it protected and healthy every day. When we are tempted by someone to make a
relationship-destroying decision we need to recognize that and turn away. Put on the eyes of faithfulness. Don’t allow
yourself to be caught up in flirting or other behavior you would not do if your
partner were watching. Pretend they ARE
watching…and maintain your personal integrity.
Do not allow it to be compromised.
Once compromised…it loses all its value.
Put on the mind of transparency. Don’t sneak, hide, or pretend. I was watching my son’s friend snapchat the
other night and he said it was great because no matter what picture you send…it
is gone on their phone in 10 seconds.
And they can’t keep a running conversation so you don’t worry about
someone seeing anything you forgot to hide.
And you can’t tell they were even doing it. Why would anyone allow themselves to be
caught up in such a destructive encounter?
Get rid of it. Get rid of all
temptations to sneak. Delete old
contacts, unfriend old flames, block anyone you have to. Do whatever it takes to remove the
opportunity to be shady in our behavior.
Don’t hide something you did because you fear the repercussions – Don’t do
it in the first place! And if you do…come
clean. When they find out what you did
it will be worse…far worse. Don’t pretend you are happy when you are upset
about something (oh man am I guilty of this one!!!!) If there is occasion to tell them about
something they deserve to know…past present future…TELL THEM. What He/She doesn’t know won't hurt them...right? Wrong! It will destroy them
when they find out on their own.
Put on the lips of honesty.
This one is HARD. I will be the
first to admit I find ways to avoid the truth when I feel it will cause
problems in the relationship OR when I need time to really consider how I feel
about something. Don’t do it. Don’t lie.
Don’t allow your partner to have doubts about what you say to them
because once that happens…you are forever compromised. Like a branch that is broken. Yes it may still bear fruit but it will never
be the strong fruit producer that it was before. Once broken, it will have to be cut off at
the lie, and allowed to grow from a fresh offshoot. But that only happens when the truth is
told. And not just enough to get by…the
whole truth.
Put on the feet of service.
When you are angry, or hurt, or frustrated with your partner…serve
them. Open her door, poor him coffee in
the morning, compliment her on how great she looks. (You better or some demon in the world
will) Bake her the cookies she
loves. Run her a bath. Walk with her. Listen to him complain about something and
just be his friend. Do the little things
that you did when you were trying to win the other person. That is fighting for the relationship when it
is hardest to do.
OK That is where I am stopping for now. There is a LOT more that can be said…so I
will let you all send ideas and thoughts and help direct the continued
discussion here.
HEARTWORK: Ask yourself if you wake up every morning determined to FIGHT for your relationship? Are there areas where you have not been doing a good job? Fix it. Are there areas you find yourself under assualt? Pray and ask God for the strength to stand against the thief coming to steal your relationship. Ask
yourself if you have failed any of these ideas.
If you have, find the courage to fix it.
Come clean. Clean house. Get things right. Find the courage to take the hard road
now. Otherwise you may find the other
person has decided to stop fighting…and is turning to the other part of that
most basic survival instinct. Flight.
Email me: Brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
