Oxygen

I wanted to get the month off to a good start with a really good post so I was sitting at my desk this morning sipping on some coffee reflecting on what a fiasco the last few weeks seems to have been for me. I fought fire after fire. Everywhere I turned there was drama and chaos and tension. Someone stop this ride and let me off. I need to catch my breath.

I was brainstorming that idea. Air. Catching my breath. Most people equate oxygen with air as though they are one in the same but oxygen makes up only about 20% of the air we breath. Most of the air we breath is nitrogen. So oxygen is really a small component but its so important that we literally could not live without it.

Oxygen is a minor component in another must-have element. Water. What is the make-up of water? A couple of hydrogen molecules and ... Oxygen. And we all know just how important water is in our lives. When scientists look at the solar system for signs of life they are looking for water. Without it there is no life.

OK stick with me. Air and water. Both of these elements have incredible impact on a third element. FIRE. A fire with a good oxygen source will thrive and burn and produce heat and warm you (or burn you) but it lives on a fuel source and oxygen. Water on the other hand will kill a fire if you put enough on it. The same oxygen mixed nitrogen breaths life into a fire. Mix it with hydrogen and it kills it.

How many see where I am going? If you do then I congratulate you. If not let me try and explain things a little better.

We are the oxygen. You are. I am. And the fire is the relationship with our partner. The relationship will grow or die depending on what additional items we attach to ourselves. If we attach hydrogen (anger, bitterness, apathy, selfishness, negativeness, etc) then we produce water and we kill the fire. We kill the relationship. If we attach nitrogen (love, compassion, kindness, warmth, sympathy, caring, devotion, etc) then we produce air and we give the fire life. We grow it.

Now when the fire is dying it doesn't mean we did it. And sometimes the fire is blazing and we are just bystanders. Our partners have as much power over the fire as we do. And if you are reading this blog then I would be betting you are a nitrogen giver (air) and have a partner who is a hydrogen giver (water). I hope I am wrong.

The question now is how do we identify the things that produce nitrogen in a relationship (give it life) and eliminate the hydrogen production (water). The first part is easy I think. I re-recommend the book 5 Love Languages. It is packed with ideas for breathing life into a relationship. And when you see them in your partner encourage them. It will make them grow.

For the relationship killing items we need to tell ourselves they are not acceptable. And tell our partner. If something drives a wedge between you and makes you unhappy then they need to know. Find a way to tell them. If its you then make the decision to STOP.

HEARTWORK: Ask yourself what you are bringing to the party. Hydrogen or Nitrogen. Is it beyond your control? If the relationship is good then focus on making it better. Find new ideas. Encourage the good and make it clear the bad is not acceptable. If its bad then decide to fix it, live with it, or move on. You will know what you need to do there.

Send me ideas for bring Nitrogen to a relationhip. And if your relationship is full of hydrogen tell me why. Lets put a response list together and see what we can come up with.

brainstorminglife@yahoo.com