Then by Brad Paisley

This is about as perfect a song as you can find.  And it makes so much sense to start right here.  This song takes you from the early moments when you first saw each other right up to the end of life and death parts you. 

I love the idea that he takes her back to where they had their first date and that is where he proposes.  He doesn’t care who is watching.  Why should he?  His whole future is looking him in the eyes and he is oblivious to what the world around him is doing.  Nobody else matters.  Nobody can distract him from what is in front of him.  He is not taking his eyes off the prize.  He sees as far off into the future as his imagination will let him and there is nothing he would rather have than her in that moment and the road before them.

The part I love most about this song is that he keeps thinking “wow at this moment there is no possible way I could love this girl any more than I do” And then something wonderful happens and he is thinking “no way…this is even more amazing than that last most amazing moment!  How will I top THIS?”  But not long after something happens and he does.  And the amazement continues.

Do you ever stop in that moment when you catch yourself just looking at her?  And you realize you are being overwhelmed with the emotion of the moment.  She doesn’t even know you are looking at her and you are just submersed in feelings of love and adoration and you think “Why Lord?  What did I do to deserve this woman you gave me?”  And you realize the answer is nothing.  He gave her to you because He loves you.  And then it happens again.  You are even more in love with this gift from God than you were just moments before.  

This is how our relationships should work. This is a perfect outline for how things are meant to be from start to finish.  We need to work on filling in the details.  This is just the outline.  A road map.  And the stops along the adventure are up to you.  Take care along the road to record as much as possible so you can replay it all when you need to charge your batteries.

HEARTWORK:  Take her back to the place of your first date.  If you are married…propose again.  If not, at least pour your heart out to and tell her what you see on the road in your mind’s eye.  Show her pictures in your phone that you took of her that she doesn’t know you have (I have those)  Tell her what they do to you when you look at them in your quiet time.  Pay attention to how you feel when you do this.  You will be amazed.

If you have song ideas we should discuss, have topics you want to see explored, comments, ideas, disagreements, whatever, J feel free to send me an email:  Brainstorminglife@yahoo.com

Songs To Build Your Relationship With

I have been brainstorming topics and ideas the past few weeks looking for a new nugget to share with you all and I think I stumbled on something.  I was playing my youtube song list at my desk yesterday and I was thinking about how powerful the words are in the songs I was listening to.  How there is so much in them about how to find, catch, keep, grow a great love.  How there are so many warnings about what not to do.  How there are ideas about how to look at the same situation through very different lenses and get fresh new perspective.

With that in mind I am going to review songs from my list and tell you how I think they apply to relationship.  What message they hold that we need to not only see, but weave into our lives.

Here is a glimpse of my list...if you have songs you think should be added please send me an email and I will do it.  Brainstorminglife@yahoo.com

Then - Brad Paisley
Crazy Love - Aaron Neville
She's More - Andy Griggs
Me And You - Kenny Chesney
Memories of Us - Keith Urban
You're My Best Friend - Queen
IOU - Lee Greenwood
I'd Choose You Again - Forester Sisters
I Just Called To Say I Love You - Stevie Wonder
It Might Be You - Stephen Bishop
A Different Light - Chante Moore

OK That is a nice scratch the surface list.  Let's play with this and see what we come up with.

HEARTWORK:  Take a good long look at the songs you listen to.  Do they promote love and affection in your relationship or do they bring division?  Are they encouraging you to love your partner or treat them poorly?  Would you want your daughter/son to be treated the way your music says to treat relationships?  If no...get rid of it.  If it does...share it :)

Serving a Purpose

I follow a few relationship pages on Facebook and really enjoy the messages they post on a daily basis.  Very few ever rub me the wrong way.  Most hit home and confirm my thoughts and feelings about what it means to be in a happy loving relationship. The post I saw today was something else. “Sometimes a man’s purpose in a woman's life is to help her become a better woman...for another man”

I have been very fortunate to have been in relationships with girls that I consider to be absolute catches.  They were amazing on so many levels that I would sit and ask myself “How did I find her?  Why was she single?  What fool let this girl get away?  What can I do to convince her to marry me?”  on and on.  I would put all my effort into studying them.  Learning their facial expressions, their noises, their body language, what they liked to eat, what they liked to do, everything!  WHY?  Because the more I knew about them the better I could be at loving them.  The more effort I put into understanding them the more I wanted to understand them.  The more I tried to love them the more I wanted to love them.

But it didn’t work you say.  And you are correct.  Regardless of my efforts I was unable to secure a happily ever after with them.  Why?  Various reasons I suppose.  The truth is known, but not important for this discussion.  The fact that there was something missing on my part is the seed I want to plant and see what grows.

What if it was never intended for me to have been the lucky guy that lifted her vale for the last time in her life?  Slide that ring on a trembling finger and promised that all I have been to them thus far was only an audition, and I intended to be far more going forward than I ever was leading up to that moment.  That the best was truly yet to come.  That I had so much more to give and the possibilities were now endless because she was forever mine!  

Maybe my job was to show her how amazing she is, regardless of what she was told in the past.  Or maybe I was there to teach her she deserves the absolute best in life and that if she settles for less it is because she chose to, not because she had no other option.  Maybe opening her door, and listening to their thoughts and feelings, and making them feel important and valued will teach them they should expect respect for themselves, and from themselves.  That they should never sell themselves short and give in to someone who does not deserve them.  Maybe my job was to be her best friend if that is what she wanted from me.  

Ultimately…my job was to change what she thought of herself.  To show her she is a treasure and a gift from God and the man had better well be deserving.  

Even though I didn't win the prize in the end I have to tell you that it was the pleasure of a lifetime serving the purposes I served.  I will treasure each memory and do my best to learn from all my mistakes.  Eventually I will be the guy.  Until then ....

HEARTWORK:  Make a list of all the things that your partner has taught you about yourself.  List the things you love about yourself that have changed because they are in your life.  List the things you think changed in your partners life because of your presence.  Now have the courage to hide away somewhere quiet and tell each other what is on your list.  Have the courage to tell them the things you want to add to your list.