I have to say that Braveheart is a top 10 movie for me. In fact it's right up there next to the top. I was reflecting on the subtle things that are said in the movie and I wonder how many people hear the words, and how many people HEAR the words. What I mean by that is most people are listening to the things said throughout the movie. But how many are actually listening to what is said and understand the meaning, the message, that they are sending?
The line I am thinking about is the one William says Princess Isabella during one of their very emotional conversations. "Every man dies, not every man really lives." The whole idea goes back to my basic belief that I have shared here many times, that it is not good enough to just exist in a partnership however you define that. Our hearts desire more. They desire, even demand, more.
We know what we want. Yet we continue day in and day out to settle for far less than our hearts beg us for. Why? Because everyman dies. Not every man really lives. It's easy to go along for the sake of comfort and peace. It's easy to say I can tolerate the fact that I am so far from desires because I am so close to my comforts. Why upset things? Why cause trouble, inflict pain, hurt feelings, maybe even break up an otherwise happy home?
I spend a lot of time on that idea. Ending something that is adequate. Tolerable. Nothing more than a mere existence but an easy one at that. If I give in a little and work a little to cooperate I can trade that for a little bit better than a moderate love. I see that. So why can't I just say ok? Why do I keep beating my head against the wall and asking for more when more will hurt people I do love. It's not easy.
Brainstorm that idea out a little and maybe the answer will be clear to you as well. My answer is simple. I am willing to do it because my heart demands more. My heart demands the love of a soulmate. My heart demands someone who wants me to love her that way in return. My heart demands someone who is not willing to accept merely existing in a tolerable relationship. I demand someone who wants to really live. To really love.
HEARTWORK: Brainstorm your TRUE heart requirements. Can you get them in the relationship you have if you put in the effort? That's always the best hope. But if not, what are you willing to settle for? Most everyone will find someone to love. Not everyone will find someone to be crazy in love with.
It takes a BRAVE heart to stand up and say I need more. It takes a braver heart to take the steps required to have more. That's my take. What's yours?
brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Choose Your Battles
I have heard that phrase my whole life and have often wondered how people decide when a fight is worth it and when its time to step back and say “No Thanks.” Some people think winning is so important that they only fight when they know they can win. Others take the position that the underlying issue must be worth fighting for before they venture into the fray. Some people simply say no fight is worth it and take whatever the results of a surrender may be.
Battles. Fighting. Arguments. Whatever you call them they all produce pain. And we as humans do our very best to avoid pain. It’s a basic survival instinct. But what about the times when pain is required to survive? Sometimes when something is wrong we are forced to engage in painful activities in order to fix a problem. Anyone who has ever said “I need to lose a few pounds” and then started an exercise program can relate. It’s not long before your body is scream at you “Stop this crap or I will kill you!” Other events that come to mind are trips to the dentist to fill a cavity. Can you imagine chemotherapy?
When a couple fights it could be bad or good for the relationship depending on the issue and the reason. A fight for the wrong reason will be hurtful, even fatal, to a fragile relationship because by its nature it destroys. A fight for the right reasons will strengthen a relationship because its purpose is to defend, to take a stand and say this is not good for our relationship and I am willing to battle over this.
Fighting because your partner takes the cute receptionist to lunch or brings her coffee in the morning is a good and healthy reason. Fighting because your partner is constantly buying clothes with credit cards and sinking you further and further in debt is a good and healthy reason. Fighting because you feel you are not getting enough quality time and he or she wants more alone time is valid. Fighting because your partner is a slob and it’s putting undue stress on you to play maid for them is good. Or if your partner is into online porn and its ruining your relationship. All Good. You get the idea.
Picking on your partner because they have little things that bug you is not a good reason. It is destructive. Fighting because you use it to control the relationship and be in charge is a horrible reason. Fighting because you don’t want to be inconvenienced by going to your partners family gathering is not good.
In those cases you should take the energy you have to fight and put it to good use strengthening your relationship. Sometimes the right fight is with yourself, sucking it up and enduring something unpleasant for their sake. It is not always easy but then who said fighting for the love of your life would be?
HEARTWORK: Take a look at your heart and ask yourself if you fight to strengthen or if you fight to weaken your relationship. Be honest with yourself. If you are fighting wrong then fix it. If you are defending your relationship then communicate and keep up the good fight.
If you have ideas please share them. Brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
Battles. Fighting. Arguments. Whatever you call them they all produce pain. And we as humans do our very best to avoid pain. It’s a basic survival instinct. But what about the times when pain is required to survive? Sometimes when something is wrong we are forced to engage in painful activities in order to fix a problem. Anyone who has ever said “I need to lose a few pounds” and then started an exercise program can relate. It’s not long before your body is scream at you “Stop this crap or I will kill you!” Other events that come to mind are trips to the dentist to fill a cavity. Can you imagine chemotherapy?
When a couple fights it could be bad or good for the relationship depending on the issue and the reason. A fight for the wrong reason will be hurtful, even fatal, to a fragile relationship because by its nature it destroys. A fight for the right reasons will strengthen a relationship because its purpose is to defend, to take a stand and say this is not good for our relationship and I am willing to battle over this.
Fighting because your partner takes the cute receptionist to lunch or brings her coffee in the morning is a good and healthy reason. Fighting because your partner is constantly buying clothes with credit cards and sinking you further and further in debt is a good and healthy reason. Fighting because you feel you are not getting enough quality time and he or she wants more alone time is valid. Fighting because your partner is a slob and it’s putting undue stress on you to play maid for them is good. Or if your partner is into online porn and its ruining your relationship. All Good. You get the idea.
Picking on your partner because they have little things that bug you is not a good reason. It is destructive. Fighting because you use it to control the relationship and be in charge is a horrible reason. Fighting because you don’t want to be inconvenienced by going to your partners family gathering is not good.
In those cases you should take the energy you have to fight and put it to good use strengthening your relationship. Sometimes the right fight is with yourself, sucking it up and enduring something unpleasant for their sake. It is not always easy but then who said fighting for the love of your life would be?
HEARTWORK: Take a look at your heart and ask yourself if you fight to strengthen or if you fight to weaken your relationship. Be honest with yourself. If you are fighting wrong then fix it. If you are defending your relationship then communicate and keep up the good fight.
If you have ideas please share them. Brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Groundhog Day
The story has been told a thousand times. February 2 of every year Punxsutauney Phil comes out of his hole and if he see’s his shadow it’s going to be another 6 weeks of winter for us. If no shadow, winter is coming to an end.
There was also a pretty funny movie called Groundhog Day that I want to brainstorm a little bit in connection with the Phil. In the movie Phil Connors finds himself waking up day after on February 2, and reliving Groundhog day over and over. Every day he wakes up its Groundhog day again. He goes through the same exact routine, goes to work, does his job, etc.
If you stop and think about it we kind of live like that. We wake up and do the same things over and over. The routine becomes worse than routine. Life loses its luster and we get tired. Excitement fades. We find just enough energy to scrape through the day one more time knowing when the alarm goes off we are destined to repeat.
But why? In the movie he realizes what is happening and he does some pretty interesting things. He uses the time loop to his advantage and he starts to learn about the people around him. He takes piano lessons and learns to speak French. He has some adventures (most I would advise against) but nonetheless he does exciting things. He takes the time to learn about the woman he is falling in love with. He takes the time to develop some pretty interesting relationships with the people around him.
After all his efforts to learn as much about Rita as he can he tells her about the time loop. She helps him come up with a plan to break free from the time loop and it works. He wakes up and the same old routine has been broken. And he has the woman of his dreams.
I can see that and it makes sense to me. Routine and boredom, mixed in with loneliness and a lack of a heartfelt connected relationship will leave you sad and lonely. You get stuck in that horrible routine of mere existence. But tell me how it works in reverse? When you are in love with the woman of your dreams and you somehow allow life to slip into that dull boring routine. Where did you lose the excitement? What happened that made you just say dang I am too tired to do anything fun with this woman. And the routine grows and gets deeper. And one day you wake up and years have melted away from you and you can’t figure out what the heck happened.
HEARTWORK: Break the routine! Shake yourself and admit you and your relationship are in a terrible rut. If you don’t pull out of it you will continue to feel that sinking feeling of despair day after day after day. Write down an activities list for you and your lover. Sort the list from easiest to accomplish to the more exotic. Put some fantasies on that list of yours! Put that imagination to work. As you check the activities off the list you should find new things to take their place.
If you have ideas for the list send them to me. We can put together a Lovers Activity List and publish it. If you need help with ideas let me know. I have some doozies.
brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
There was also a pretty funny movie called Groundhog Day that I want to brainstorm a little bit in connection with the Phil. In the movie Phil Connors finds himself waking up day after on February 2, and reliving Groundhog day over and over. Every day he wakes up its Groundhog day again. He goes through the same exact routine, goes to work, does his job, etc.
If you stop and think about it we kind of live like that. We wake up and do the same things over and over. The routine becomes worse than routine. Life loses its luster and we get tired. Excitement fades. We find just enough energy to scrape through the day one more time knowing when the alarm goes off we are destined to repeat.
But why? In the movie he realizes what is happening and he does some pretty interesting things. He uses the time loop to his advantage and he starts to learn about the people around him. He takes piano lessons and learns to speak French. He has some adventures (most I would advise against) but nonetheless he does exciting things. He takes the time to learn about the woman he is falling in love with. He takes the time to develop some pretty interesting relationships with the people around him.
After all his efforts to learn as much about Rita as he can he tells her about the time loop. She helps him come up with a plan to break free from the time loop and it works. He wakes up and the same old routine has been broken. And he has the woman of his dreams.
I can see that and it makes sense to me. Routine and boredom, mixed in with loneliness and a lack of a heartfelt connected relationship will leave you sad and lonely. You get stuck in that horrible routine of mere existence. But tell me how it works in reverse? When you are in love with the woman of your dreams and you somehow allow life to slip into that dull boring routine. Where did you lose the excitement? What happened that made you just say dang I am too tired to do anything fun with this woman. And the routine grows and gets deeper. And one day you wake up and years have melted away from you and you can’t figure out what the heck happened.
HEARTWORK: Break the routine! Shake yourself and admit you and your relationship are in a terrible rut. If you don’t pull out of it you will continue to feel that sinking feeling of despair day after day after day. Write down an activities list for you and your lover. Sort the list from easiest to accomplish to the more exotic. Put some fantasies on that list of yours! Put that imagination to work. As you check the activities off the list you should find new things to take their place.
If you have ideas for the list send them to me. We can put together a Lovers Activity List and publish it. If you need help with ideas let me know. I have some doozies.
brainstorminglife@yahoo.com
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
