Dashed Hopes

So it turns out that the haven was not so safe.  Why?  What are we doing wrong in our relationships that leave our partner feeling the need to text an old lover?  Call an old boyfriend?  Hide new pictures of them in their phones and telling you they have been there since before you?

I just don't get it. 

Is it controlling to tell your partner that it is not ok to chat with old lovers?  Is it controlling to ask who they are going to have drinks with after work?  Is it controlling to say it is not ok to have dinner with an old boyfriend who is passing through?

When did the idea of a relationship morph into simply dating but calling it more?  If you are dating say so.  Then it is fine if you want to chat with someone at work that is a threat to your relationship.  If you are in a relationship then act like it.

I give up.