Are They Worth It?

Relationships. Are they really worth what you put into them? Are they a good return on your investment? Do they pay a high enough dividend? Do they make sense?

I ask this question because of a conversation I was having with a friend at lunch this week. He told me that relationships are for people who don't have the social skills and the ability to take what they want when they want it. Relationships are for people who need to find someone willing to settle for them. Unable to catch what they want and want the easy way out in the dating world.

He said to me "Do you know what I would do this weekend if I were a single man? I would tell a hot chick to pack a bag we are going to San Fransisco. We are staying in a nice hotel, eating nice dinners, drinking good fine, lots of sex, shopping, site-seeing, etc and I will pay for it all" But no. He is married so he cant.

WHY NOT? I ask why he can't call his wife up and make her that offer. She is exactly the kind of girl he would hunt down anyway. He said it is not the same because she is old news.

WOW.

I was so shocked I couldn't finish my lunch. He told me I favor marriage because I lack the self-confidence to target a woman and have my way. That I am somehow weak. Someone who needs a girl who has surrendered her own personal freedoms for financial security.

I say no. Those of us who seek a heartbeat in the darkness for more than a night or two are not weak. We are not incapable or having what we want. We don't lack the killer instincts required to target someone and close the deal as it were. We are the exact opposite of his claims. We KNOW what we want and we pursue what our heart's call to us for. And we do it with fury. With fire. Hoping not to settle for less than we know we deserve. Hoping to find someone who shares the passions for life and love that we do.

He asked me what benefits there were in a long-term relationship. I said what about the ties and bonds and connections we create with each other? With friends? Last night one of my best friend's son graduated from high school. I remember him when he could barely talk. I remember taking him to the races with my sons before he could ride a bike. I remember teaching him how to hit a baseball with his dad. I love that young man like my own son. And he knows it. And his parents, my friends, know it.

I seek a heart in the darkness that wants me. For the man I am. For the sum our individual components add up to. Someone who makes me want to be a better man. And someone that I make want to be a better woman. Being lonely is a horrible thing. Being in love and making it work against all the odds this cruel world throws at you is a glorious thing.

This is a starting point for the next series of posts I want to work on. I would love to hear what you think about the subject.

email me at brainstorminglife@yahoo.com

Resuming...

I quit blogging a little over a year ago for a number of reasons. Maybe those reasons would be good discussion points, we shall see.

Anyway I am going to start again. Believe it or not people in 30 countries were reading the crazy things I was writing. Not a LOT of people, but a fair amount.

I am working on a topic list now. If you have any suggestions please send them to me.

brainstorminglife@yahoo.com